Me: Beaumont. You know you’re lying on my legs again, like a bridge?
Beau: Yah. What of it?
Me: Is there a reason?
Beau: Do I need a reason to get close to you?
Me: You’re answering a question with a question. Stop it.
Beau: What else am I supposed to do? Your question was not worth answering with a statement.
Me: But I’d like an answer.
Beau: Louise. Have you forgotten your Rilke?
Me: What has he got to do with my question?
Beau: Everything! Remember, it’s Rilke who said, “Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
Me: I don’t want to wait for some distant day for your answer. I want to know why you’re lying on my legs, right now.
Beau: For the same reason Mallory wanted to climb Mount Everest. Because it was there.
Me: Seriously Beau. You are being way too smart-alecky today. Can’t you just give me a straight answer?
Beau: Where would the fun be in that?
Me: I don’t know but I’d sure like to find out.
Beau: Live the questions Louise. Live the questions.
Me: Can I live without you lying on my legs like a dead weight?
Beau: I don’t know. Perhaps if you live in the question, you will gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
Me: My legs might not live that long. You’re heavy.
Beau: So is your constant seeking to know the answers without living the questions of life, Louise. Heavy. Very heavy.
Me: If I promise to live in the questions will you get off my legs?
Beau: If you promise to take me to the park. Yes.
Me: Is that what this is all about? You want to go to the park so you lay on my legs to get my attention?
Beau: Take me to the park and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find yourself living into the answer.
Me: Why can’t I ever win with you?
Beau: Seriously Louise. If you haven’t figured out that answer by now, you’re continue to live the question again and again. Shall we go to the park?
Sigh. And so it goes. Beau quotes Rilke and I find myself trying to figure out what the question was in the first place. I think it may be, “When will I ever learn?” Though the most likely one is, “When will I ever win?” I’m beginning to fear the answer I’ll have to live with forever is, never.