Me: Beau. Stop eating the grass.
Beaumont: You know it’s all your fault. Right?
Me: What’s that?
Beau: The fact I eat grass.
Me: How’s that Beau?
Beau: Remember the cow coat you made me wear last winter?
Me: The one I bought to keep you warm in sub-arctic temperatures.
Beau: Right that one. The one that makes me look like a dawg in cow’s clothing.
Me: The cute one.
Beau: That’s not cute lady. It’s ignominious.
Me: There you go with the big words again Beau. Why can’t you just say “It’s embarrassing.”?
Beau: See! You agree!
Me: Agree to what?
Beau: That the coat’s embarrassing.
Me: I did no such thing. I just wanted to know why you couldn’t use everyday words instead of four syllable ones.
Beau: You’re asking me that? You who writes all sorts of fluffy stuff filled with run on sentences and allegory and similies… and well cow-patties too.
Me: Oh. So we’re back to the cows again, are we?
Beau: You’re the one who called me a cow when you caught me eating grass.
Me: Well. You’re not a cow Beau. You’re a dawg. And can I say, a dang cute one at that?
Beau: You can say it but I question whether you mean it. As I said, you put me in a coat that made me look like a cow. If you think I’m a cute dawg, why wouldn’t you just get me a coat that keeps me warm instead of makes me look like some other animal?
Me: (sarcastically) A lapse in judgement?
Beau: You mean a BIG lapse in judgement, right?
Me: (sigh) I was being sarcastic, in a nice kind of way, Beau.
Beau: You know there’s no such thing as nice sarcasm, right?
Me: (sigh) Yes, Beau.
Beau: Then just say it. The coat was a BIG lapse in judgement.
Me: (sigh) The coat was a BIG lapse in judgement Beau.
Beau: And are you willing to admit, therefore, that it’s your fault I eat grass, like a cow?
Me: You really gotta push it don’t you?
Beau: Just keepin’ it real lady. Keepin’ it real.
Me: It’s real clear to me Beau, I can’t win.
Beau: That’s about the most real thing you’ve said all day Louise. Now. Back to the cow statement. Are you going to apologize?
Me: (big sigh) I’m sorry I called you a cow Beau.
Beau: Well, you should be Louise. ‘Cause I know, if I called you an old cow, or any kind of a cow, there’d be dawggone grief to pay all over the place.
He’s got a point!
Fortunately, Beau’s also got more sense than me sometimes. Calling him a cow was a bit of a mistake on my part. (Though, don’t tell him, I still think he looks kind of cute in that coat!)
And if you want to see how cute… click HERE to see Beau in his cow coat.