I Am Too A Lap Dog!

Me: Beaumont. What are you doing?

Beau: Sitting.

Me: On my lap.

Beau: My… you are observant Louise.

Me: It’s kind of hard not to be. You’re too big and heavy to be a lapdog.

Beau: I ain’t heavy. I’m your brother.

Me: Right. And it’s a long, long road with many a winding turn.

Beau: You got it Louise! I’m no burden to bear.

Me: Beau… why are you quoting the lyrics of a ’70s song you’ve never even heard before?

Beau: Louise. Give me some credit, puh…lease. I do lay by the fire in your studio you know while you’re painting and dancing away to all your old music.

Me: My music isn’t old.

Beau: Hmmm…. has the new year got you a little sensitive about age Louise?

Me: No. It’s just got me sensitive about you calling my music old.

Beau: Louise. Louise. Louise. When was that song released?

Me: 1970s?

Beau: 1969 to be exact. And tell me… how many years ago was that?

Me: That’s not the point. It’s still a really good song.

Beau: Nobody’s disputing it’s a good song. You just seem to be disputing how old it is.

Me: No I’m not.

Beau: Really?

Me: Okay. Fine. I don’t see why you have to call it old.

Beau: Oh you hoomans. Soooo sensitive about three little letters. What if it’s not about ‘old’ and simply about how relevant the song still is today?

Me: That’s irrelevant.

Beau: Is it really? (pause) Oh. Wait! I get it!

Me: (shifting a bit so Beau isn’t quite so heavy in my lap) Get what?

Beau: You! You’re worried about being irrelevant!

Me: Can we get back to discussing how you’re not a lapdog please?

Beau: Will you admit the truth?

Me: What if it’s not true?

Beau: (giving me those doe eyes that seem to peer right into my heart) Really?

Me: (sighing) Fine. I worry that I’m not relevant. Okay. Happy? Please. Can you get off my lap?

Beau: You know you’ll always be relevant to me Louise. You’re my hooman.

Me: I thought you were my brother.

Beau: Now who’s being irrelevant?

Me: Don’t you mean irreverent?

Beau: Nope. I mean, I love you Louise and that is the most relevant thing of all.

Me: I love you too Beau. Now… Will you please stop trying to be a lapdog?

Beau: Will you stop worrying about everyone being (and he starts to sing… ok howl…)

“laden with sadness
That everyone’s heart
Isn’t filled with the gladness
Of love for one another”

Me: It’s a long, long road with many a winding turn Beau.

Beau: Yes it is Louise… And the load
Doesn’t weigh me down at all
You ain’t heavy, you my hooman.

Me: Yes Beau. But still. You’re going to have to get off my lap. You’re getting kind of heavy.

Beau: Will you give me a kiss before I do?

Me: (sigh) Yes Beau.

And so I give him a kiss and he gets down off my lap and I put on The Hollies singing He Aint’ Heavy He’s My Brother and dance around the studio and Beau sleeps contentedly by the fire.

And the world is as it should be.

It may be “a long, long road with many a winding turn” but with a companion like Beau, C.C. and I travel unencumbered by worry. We’ve got Love as our constant companion.

May we all travel the long, long road of life with Love as our constant companion.

Happy New Year everyone.