Beaumont: So… Louise… what gives?
Me: What do you mean?
Beau: I mean… what gives? Iwona sent me a gift. Rod sent me 50 ways to get even and you? What did you get me?
Me: I came home?…
Me: And… that’s it.
Beau: And that’s my point. You came home with a gift from my wonderful friend Iwona but I see nothing from you.
Me: I thought leaving you with such lovely hoomans as T and L was enough.
Beau: T and L were wonderful. I’m looking at you though to make some sort of reparation for abandoning me for two weeks. You know… an Act of Contrition and all that.
Me: We didn’t abandon you Beau.
Beau: Hmmm….. coulda fooled me.
Me: I thought nothing could fool you. (smiling sweetly)
Beau: Cute. Not funny. And definitely not appropriate.
Me: Ahh…. c’mon Beau. It was a wee bit funny don’t you think?
Beau: What I don’t think is even a wee bit or teeny bit or little bit funny is your returning home empty-handed. Didn’t they have specialty dawg stores in Ontario?
Me: Well…. yes. They did.
Beau: So… what prevented you from supporting the local economy by purchasing something significant and special just for your significantly special companion? Namely ME, in case your old age made you forget who I am to you.
Me: Low blow, Beau.
Beau: Not bringing me home something special is an even lower blow to me, Louise. I feel like you may not even have thought of me while frolicking on the shores of Kamaniskeg Lake!
Me: That’s not fair! I thought of you a lot Beau. I even mentioned several times how much fun you’d have had swimming in its crystal clear, cool waters.
Beau: Ha! My point exactly! I would have had way more fun being there instead of under the smoke filled skies of Calgary.
Me: I am sorry it was so smoky here Beau.
Beau: Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. But the real question is… are you sorry you didn’t bring me home a significantly special gift?
Me: After this conversation? Absolutely.
Beau: Is that a note of sarcasm I detect in your comment Louise?
Beau: It doesn’t suit you Louise.
Me: (sighing) Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.
Beau: Now that was passive aggressive!
Me: (sighing again) You’re right. I’m sorry.
Beau: Good. But… are you truly sorry for not bringing me home a gift?
Me: I did bring you home a gift.
Beau: You did? Where is it?
Me: I gave it to you.
Beau: You did?
Me: Yes. It was from Iwona.
Beau: Ha! Now you’re being downright sneaky. I meant a gift from you.
Me: Will a kiss and a hug do?
Beau: If accompanied by a T-bone steak every day for the next week. Yes.
Me: Are you trying to eat me out of house and home?
Beau: Actually Louise, I’m trying to keep you home. That’s all.
Me: Awww Beau. How sweet…. So…. is it too soon to tell you I’m off to see the Littles in a few days?
Beau: I think it’s best not to go there right now Louise. I’m still licking my wounds from your lack of consideration from this trip and waiting for your much needed Act of Contrition to arrive in my dinner bowl.
Me: Ok. But….
Beau: Keep your butt out of it Louise and just go get me my steak.
Me: Yes your highness.
Beau: Attitude Louise. Attitude. Don’t forget, your shoes are still on the menu if you don’t shape up real soon.
Me: Shaping up Beau. shaping up.
Beau: Good. Now could you also please hurry it up. My hunger is mounting and your mandatory Act of Contrition is growing cold and think about it…. without my steak who knows what I’ll have to resort to eating….
And so, I hurry it up and get him a meal he’ll accept as my Act of Contrition.
Sigh… since when did dawg’s have to get a gift everytime a hooman goes away?
Oh boy, you did not hold back with those verbal punches Beaumont! Frankly speaking, I was hoping that the “poutine flavoured ” treats from the Middle Kingdom would be more than enough for you to overcome your “alleged abandonment” in the loving care of T and L. I can tell you that Louise was frolicking only a wee bit for most of the time she was toiling away in the kitchen, with the assistance of T and L mostly, trying to keep the hungry appetites well-sated. It was not all play for her in the wilds of the Middle Kingdom. So take it easy, enjoy those treats and let her visit the Littles in peace for they are undergoing a traumatic experience of settling into new digs, and we all know that can truly upset one’s equilibrium, regardless of age.
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Thank you for your wise counsel Iwona. I shall take it under advisement… and maybe chew on a treat or two while I do!
They’re delicious my Poutine!
Yours in admiration and gratitude,
Oh Beau you do like your gifts and letting Louise know when she hasn’t stepped up like not giving you a gift.
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How else is she to learn dear Joanne? How else is she to learn… she is only hooman after all… and a slow learner at that! 🙂
Well done Beau, it’s your dawg darn right to receive a substantial gift when your owner finally comes home,.. after leaving in the awful smoke filled perils of Calgary… ‘cauff, cauff’… I know what that smoke is like .. she should have showed you ‘far’ more consideration than fronting up with gift from Iwona (which Iwona would’ve sent anyhow) … yup .. woof, woof, keep up the ‘Acts of Contrition’ ..
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I’m so grateful you understand Ivor — not like Louise who had the audacity when I suggested she give me a second treat after our walk — that I was ‘milking’ it a tad too much? Milking it? I’m not a cow. But hey… I am a magnificently magnanimous dawg darn fella, so I let her get away with that one… but I am thinking she needs to step up her game? Don’t you agree? Can you puhlease, puhlease, puhlease maybe give her a prod — maybe with a cattle prod — poetic justice dont’ ya’ think? 🙂 🙂 🙂
Haha Beau .. I have an Aussie Kangaroo whip .. or maybe a prod with my Malayian Kris .. it’s fairly sharp …😀😂😉
Boy oh boy… that Beau is something else… But seriously, Louise. .. nothing?