Beaumont: So… Louise… what gives?
Me: What do you mean?
Beau: I mean… what gives? Iwona sent me a gift. Rod sent me 50 ways to get even and you? What did you get me?
Me: I came home?…
Me: And… that’s it.
Beau: And that’s my point. You came home with a gift from my wonderful friend Iwona but I see nothing from you.
Me: I thought leaving you with such lovely hoomans as T and L was enough.
Beau: T and L were wonderful. I’m looking at you though to make some sort of reparation for abandoning me for two weeks. You know… an Act of Contrition and all that.
Me: We didn’t abandon you Beau.
Beau: Hmmm….. coulda fooled me.
Me: I thought nothing could fool you. (smiling sweetly)
Beau: Cute. Not funny. And definitely not appropriate.
Me: Ahh…. c’mon Beau. It was a wee bit funny don’t you think?
Beau: What I don’t think is even a wee bit or teeny bit or little bit funny is your returning home empty-handed. Didn’t they have specialty dawg stores in Ontario?
Me: Well…. yes. They did.
Beau: So… what prevented you from supporting the local economy by purchasing something significant and special just for your significantly special companion? Namely ME, in case your old age made you forget who I am to you.
Me: Low blow, Beau.
Beau: Not bringing me home something special is an even lower blow to me, Louise. I feel like you may not even have thought of me while frolicking on the shores of Kamaniskeg Lake!
Me: That’s not fair! I thought of you a lot Beau. I even mentioned several times how much fun you’d have had swimming in its crystal clear, cool waters.
Beau: Ha! My point exactly! I would have had way more fun being there instead of under the smoke filled skies of Calgary.
Me: I am sorry it was so smoky here Beau.
Beau: Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. But the real question is… are you sorry you didn’t bring me home a significantly special gift?
Me: After this conversation? Absolutely.
Beau: Is that a note of sarcasm I detect in your comment Louise?
Beau: It doesn’t suit you Louise.
Me: (sighing) Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.
Beau: Now that was passive aggressive!
Me: (sighing again) You’re right. I’m sorry.
Beau: Good. But… are you truly sorry for not bringing me home a gift?
Me: I did bring you home a gift.
Beau: You did? Where is it?
Me: I gave it to you.
Beau: You did?
Me: Yes. It was from Iwona.
Beau: Ha! Now you’re being downright sneaky. I meant a gift from you.
Me: Will a kiss and a hug do?
Beau: If accompanied by a T-bone steak every day for the next week. Yes.
Me: Are you trying to eat me out of house and home?
Beau: Actually Louise, I’m trying to keep you home. That’s all.
Me: Awww Beau. How sweet…. So…. is it too soon to tell you I’m off to see the Littles in a few days?
Beau: I think it’s best not to go there right now Louise. I’m still licking my wounds from your lack of consideration from this trip and waiting for your much needed Act of Contrition to arrive in my dinner bowl.
Me: Ok. But….
Beau: Keep your butt out of it Louise and just go get me my steak.
Me: Yes your highness.
Beau: Attitude Louise. Attitude. Don’t forget, your shoes are still on the menu if you don’t shape up real soon.
Me: Shaping up Beau. shaping up.
Beau: Good. Now could you also please hurry it up. My hunger is mounting and your mandatory Act of Contrition is growing cold and think about it…. without my steak who knows what I’ll have to resort to eating….
And so, I hurry it up and get him a meal he’ll accept as my Act of Contrition.
Sigh… since when did dawg’s have to get a gift everytime a hooman goes away?