Me: Beau! You are not a cow.

Beau: Louise! You’re so smart.

Me: Don’t be sassy.

Beau: Stating the obvious is worse than sassy, Louise. It’s pedantic and obtuse.

Me: Fine. Then let me be even more pedantic and obtuse. Stop eating the grass.

Beau: Perhaps Louise I’m having an identity crisis.

Me: What? You actually think you are a cow?

Beau: No Louise. But you did go and buy me that cow coat, supposedly to protect me from the cold.

Me: And did it?

Beau: If you hadn’t shaved my beautiful natural coat off, I wouldn’t have needed it.

Me: Well…. I wanted you to look good for Christmas photos.

Beau: Oh… so it’s all about appearance is it Louise?

Me: No… well… maybe? It was Christmas, after all.

Beau: And you thought you’d make it more festive by putting a cow coat on me, after all.

Me: Well… yes?

Beau: Ha! And you wonder why I’m having an identity crisis? I think maybe you should be checking out your values a bit more Louise. I mean isn’t that what you teach in your Radiant Bold whatever? Live true to your values. Be ethical. Create better. How did putting a cow coat on me create better?

Me: It kept you warm.

Beau: Right. And that was only necessary because you shaved me like you shave a block of parmesan! ‘Til there’s nothingg left but the rind left!

Me: I think that’s taking it a little too far, Beau.

Beau: And putting me in a cow coat isn’t?

Me: (sighing) Can we just get back to the question about why you keep eating grass?

Beau: That wasn’t the question Louise. The question, you posed, I might add, was – Do I think I’m a cow. I think we’ve answered that one.

Me: Oh. And so, what’s the answer?

Beau: It’s not me. It’s you.

Sigh. I really do need therapy after these conversations!

Beau: (smiling oh so sweetly and innocently) I think what you meant to say was, you need therapy. Period.

Sigh. There’s just no getting around his impudence! Calling my therapist now.