Beau’s Rules on How To Be A Better Hooman

Beaumont has asked to interrupt our normal Sunday conversation so he can share his rules for being a better hooman.

Says Beau… Dawgs know how to have fun! We are 100% immersed in the joy of play while you hoomans are 100% immersed in getting it right. Life isn’t about getting it right. It’s about doing the right things at the right time and not sweating the stuff in between.

So here’s the deal folks. You can learn a lot from us four-legged’s.

Did you know that in dawg-speak there is no word for ‘stranger’. Yeah. That’s right. ‘Cause in dawgspeak, a stranger is just a butt (and if it happens to be a hooman, crotch) you haven’t sniffed yet. That’s it. I mean, think about it… Dawgs meet. Sniff. Play a little. Move on. Meet. Sniff. Play a little. Move on. We check out a smell here, a butt there without too much concern for whose butt is whose. We’re not interested in what the other dawg ‘thinks’, or even if they’re talking out of their azz… We only want to know if you’re friendly and willing to play with us. And if not, we move on. That’s it. End of story. No concern about whether or not you like us, or have a shinier coat or longer hair or the latest high-tech collar. We just wanna know — are you willing to play?

We are totally consumed with being present in the now, experiencing everything that is going on, soaking up every ounce of joy in the moment.

So, ’nuff said. Here are my Top 7 Dawg Rules for Being a Better Hooman.

It’s the play in the dawg that makes the difference, not the size. Don’t say no to a play invitation just because you think you’re too big, or small (or too old – see next rule for more). Adjust your play-pattern to accommodate discrepancies in size and let the smaller one lead the way. Get it? You don’t have to be top hooman in charge of everything all the time. You just gotta get along.

Don’t let age weigh you down. Like hoomans, the older we get, the less playful and more grumpy we can sometimes be. We will be a mirror of our hoomans so if you’re grumpy, how do you think we’ll be? Yeah. Wisein’ up! There’s no space for grumpy in a dawg’s life. So keep us from the grumpy’s — don’t succumb to the weight of age. Lighten up!

Pay attention. Always greet your playmate as if you haven’t seen them for a thousand years, even if you just played with them at the other end of the park 15 minutes ago. Make them feel like they have 100% of your attention. For you hoomans, you gotta be more friendly to create more friendliness in the world!

Life is fluid. If another dawg runs in to join the fray, it’s okay to stop and give them some attention. Check out if one of you wants to divert your play to the newcomer. If your playmate finds another, don’t fuss. Carry on and be joyful. There’s always another dawg wanting to play at the park. Get it? Be flexible. Don’t try to ‘own’ everyone and everything. Go with the flow.

Be whole-hearted. Use your whole body, mind and spirit when playing with another. It’s okay to stick your head in your playmates mouth. It’s okay to let them stick their’s in yours. Just remember, this is play. Be joyful. Be gentle of mouth. Be playful of spirit.

Life is a dance of reciprocity. It’s okay to let another dawg lie on top of you and chew your ear. It’s okay to lie on top of another dawg and chew their ear too. It ain’t serious. That’s why they call it play — Play more! Think less.

Make someone laugh whenever possible. (This one’s for the dawgs in the crowd who are reading this – so listen up!) Your job is to give your hooman lots of reasons to laugh. It makes it easier on you when you don’t listen to them calling if they’re laughing because laughing makes them feel better and they’ll be less inclined to make you sit and stay and do all those boring training things they think are so important. And, bonus! They’ll stay longer at the park when they’re laughing.

And for your hoomans — again… what’s with the serious? I mean seriously, do you really think it’s necessary to make us sit and stay and fetch and roll over and wait to be told we can take a treat? You know we only do those things to make you feel good, right?

Don’t you think it would be easier on everyone if you just dispense with the discipline and gave us the treat in the first place? You know you want to…

So, the long and short of this dawggone post is… Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously!

Louise always comments on how well-trained other dawgs are at the park. Like she thinks I need training? Heck no! I need luvin’ baby. Luvin’. Like… Baby I need your luvin’, got to have all your luvin’…. kind of luvin’. Know what I mean? And close your mouth. Of course I can sing and of course I know The Four Tops! I wasn’t born yesterday peoples. We dawgs know things!

Where was I? Right. With all that luvin’ I’ll do anything Louise says! In my own time of course, ’cause the fact is, you don’t ‘own’ a dawg. You share life with a dawg and when you do it all luvin’ and kind, well, your life is one beautiful happy mess! And if you don’t love a beautiful happy mess…. you need to work on Rule No. 1 – Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously!

And that’s the dawggone truth!

And just because I can….