All I Want for Christmas is… a nice chewy toy

Beau:  So…. is there a reason I am being lugged around like a toy poodle?

Me:   Well, you are half poodle.

Beau:  Standard poodle. There’s a big difference between a toy and a standard you know.

Me:   Well, you’re as cute as a toy poodle.

Beau:   Cute has nothing to do with my looks. I’m handsome. Debonair. GQish.

Me:  Says who?

Beau:  All the girls at the park say it!

Me:  Well, they’re real dogs.

Beau:  And what am I? Chopped liver.

Me:  No. No.  I just mean… well, I don’t know what I mean. I just think you look all cute and cuddly.

Beau:  Which is why Tim has to be holding me up beside the Christmas tree?

Me:  No. It’s just…. Well… you look so cute and Tim wanted to give you a closer look at the lights.

Beau:  I’d rather see the gifts. With my name on them.

Me:    Oh. Well… Christmas isn’t all about gifts you know.

Beau:  Really? You’re trying to feed me that hogwash?  I wasn’t born yesterday you know.  I expect Santa to be bringing me lots of goodies and lots of toys.

Me:  Ummm…. You’d have had to have been a good little boy for that.

Beau:  Are you suggesting I’m not?

Me:  I’m just saying lots of goodies and toys are for good little boys and girls. I’m not sure you fit the bill.

Beau:  You know there are no bad dogs. Just bad humans who think they own their dogs.

Me:  Believe me. I don’t think I own you. I kind of think it’s the other way around.

Beau:  Good. Now that we’ve got that straightened out… Back to my gifts under the tree. I’m expecting a big haul come Christmas morning. You don’t want to disappoint me.

Me:  And if I do… disappoint you?

Beau:  You know those favourite leather boots you often leave by the front door?

Me:  What about ’em?

Beau:  If I don’t get a nice big chewy bone for Christmas I just might mistake them for a chew toy… Know what I mean?

Me:  Are you threatening me?

Beau:  Never in a thousand dog years. I’m just sayin’ no tellin’ what might happen if I don’t have something to chew on when the urge calls.

Me:  Got it. So… what else do you expect under the tree?

Beau:  Hang on a minute. I’ve got a list…

And so it goes. Beau always gets the last word, and what he wants. It’s a dog’s life.

Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays everyone.  From Beaumont and his humans (even though they’re not well trained they do appreciate you following along on his blog!)