Beau: So…. is there a reason I am being lugged around like a toy poodle?
Me: Well, you are half poodle.
Beau: Standard poodle. There’s a big difference between a toy and a standard you know.
Me: Well, you’re as cute as a toy poodle.
Beau: Cute has nothing to do with my looks. I’m handsome. Debonair. GQish.
Me: Says who?
Beau: All the girls at the park say it!
Me: Well, they’re real dogs.
Beau: And what am I? Chopped liver.
Me: No. No. I just mean… well, I don’t know what I mean. I just think you look all cute and cuddly.
Beau: Which is why Tim has to be holding me up beside the Christmas tree?
Me: No. It’s just…. Well… you look so cute and Tim wanted to give you a closer look at the lights.
Beau: I’d rather see the gifts. With my name on them.
Me: Oh. Well… Christmas isn’t all about gifts you know.
Beau: Really? You’re trying to feed me that hogwash? I wasn’t born yesterday you know. I expect Santa to be bringing me lots of goodies and lots of toys.
Me: Ummm…. You’d have had to have been a good little boy for that.
Beau: Are you suggesting I’m not?
Me: I’m just saying lots of goodies and toys are for good little boys and girls. I’m not sure you fit the bill.
Beau: You know there are no bad dogs. Just bad humans who think they own their dogs.
Me: Believe me. I don’t think I own you. I kind of think it’s the other way around.
Beau: Good. Now that we’ve got that straightened out… Back to my gifts under the tree. I’m expecting a big haul come Christmas morning. You don’t want to disappoint me.
Me: And if I do… disappoint you?
Beau: You know those favourite leather boots you often leave by the front door?
Me: What about ’em?
Beau: If I don’t get a nice big chewy bone for Christmas I just might mistake them for a chew toy… Know what I mean?
Me: Are you threatening me?
Beau: Never in a thousand dog years. I’m just sayin’ no tellin’ what might happen if I don’t have something to chew on when the urge calls.
Me: Got it. So… what else do you expect under the tree?
Beau: Hang on a minute. I’ve got a list…
And so it goes. Beau always gets the last word, and what he wants. It’s a dog’s life.
Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays everyone. From Beaumont and his humans (even though they’re not well trained they do appreciate you following along on his blog!)