Me: So Beaumont… you know how you’ve been complaining about me so much lately…
Beau: You know how you always say, ‘if the truth hurts, change your story?’ I think you may want to change your story. I’ve not been complaining. I’ve simply been telling the truth.
Me: Maybe you should change yours. Maybe you should shift out of complaining into gratitude. I am the one who took you out to the park today in the sub-Arctic Vortex we’re experiencing.
Beau: You’re also the one who deserted me again and again. Leaving me all alone and lonely.
Me: You weren’t lonely. You had wonderful caretakers move into the house.
Beau: Right. With that She-hellion cat.
Me: C’mon Beau. She’s not that bad.
Beau: You’re not the one she hisses and spits and swings her claws at.
Me: Well… you must admit. You are trying to stick your nose in her business.
Beau: No I’m not. I’m trying to give her a real friendly dawgie style greeting.
Me: She’s not a dawg.
Beau: That’s not my problem.
Me: (sigh) Fine. Can we get back to your complaining, please?
Beau: Can we get back to your avoiding the truth instead?
Me: I’m not avoiding anything.
Beau: Hmmm…. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
Me: Since when do you quote Shakespeare?
Beau: Full disclosure. I didn’t know I was eating Shakespeare when you left me alone. AGAIN. I misstook ‘bard’ for ‘dawg’ – you know how I always get my ‘b’s’ and ‘d’s’ mixed up.
Me: Beau. You can’t read.
Beau: Tell that to the ole’ Bard. I devoured every word of Hamlet.
Me: What!!??? You ate the book?
Beau: Hey! I was bored. You left me and went off to Tofino. What’s a lonely dawg to do?
Me: Eat kibble?
Beau: Ha! Hamlet didn’t taste much different thou methinks there was something rotten in Denmark.
Me: (shaking her head and sighing) Can we please just get back to the conversation.
Beau: No. I like this one.
Me: (sigh) I don’t.
Beau: To thine own self be true.
Me: Will you please stop quoting Shakespeare?
Beau: Will you promise not to leave me behind again?
Me: Beau. You know I can’t promise you that.
Beau: Then… to quote the Bard, ‘the rest is silence.’
Me: You know you’re incorrigible, right?
Beau: Nope. But I will quote the Shakey guy one last time. He said, ‘brevity is the soul of wit.’ And not to put too fine a point on it but to be brief, you milady have lost this one too!
Sigh. When will I ever learn to let sleeping dawg’s lie?