Shakespeare and other Dawgs.

Me:  So Beaumont… you know how you’ve been complaining about me so much lately…

Beau:  You know how you always say, ‘if the truth hurts, change your story?’  I think you may want to change your story. I’ve not been complaining. I’ve simply been telling the truth.

Me:  Maybe you should change yours. Maybe you should shift out of complaining into gratitude. I am the one who took you out to the park today in the sub-Arctic Vortex we’re experiencing.

Beau:   You’re also the one who deserted me again and again. Leaving me all alone and lonely.

Me:  You weren’t lonely. You had wonderful caretakers move into the house.

Beau:  Right. With that She-hellion cat.

Me:  C’mon Beau. She’s not that bad.

Beau:  You’re not the one she hisses and spits and swings her claws at.

Me:  Well… you must admit. You are trying to stick your nose in her business.

Beau:  No I’m not. I’m trying to give her a real friendly dawgie style greeting.

Me:  She’s not a dawg.

Beau:  That’s not my problem.

Me:  (sigh)  Fine. Can we get back to your complaining, please?

Beau:  Can we get back to your avoiding the truth instead?

Me:  I’m not avoiding anything.

Beau:  Hmmm…. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Me:  Since when do you quote Shakespeare?

Beau:  Full disclosure. I didn’t know I was eating Shakespeare when you left me alone. AGAIN. I misstook ‘bard’ for ‘dawg’ – you know how I always get my ‘b’s’ and ‘d’s’ mixed up.

Me:  Beau. You can’t read.

Beau:  Tell that to the ole’ Bard. I devoured every word of Hamlet.

Me:  What!!???  You ate the book?

Beau:  Hey! I was bored. You left me and went off to Tofino. What’s a lonely dawg to do?

Me:  Eat kibble?

Beau:  Ha!  Hamlet didn’t taste much different thou methinks there was something rotten in Denmark.

Me:  (shaking her head and sighing) Can we please just get back to the conversation.

Beau:  No. I like this one.

Me:  (sigh)  I don’t.

Beau:  To thine own self be true.

Me:  Will you please stop quoting Shakespeare?

Beau:  Will you promise not to leave me behind again?

Me:  Beau. You know I can’t promise you that.

Beau:  Then… to quote the Bard, ‘the rest is silence.’

Me:  You know you’re incorrigible, right?

Beau:  Nope. But I will quote the Shakey guy one last time. He said, ‘brevity is the soul of wit.’ And not to put too fine a point on it but to be brief, you milady have lost this one too!

Sigh. When will I ever learn to let sleeping dawg’s lie?


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