The Dog Who Thought He Was A Cow

 

Me:  Beau. Stop eating the grass.

Beaumont:  You know it’s all your fault. Right?

Me:  What’s that?

Beau:  The fact I eat grass.

Me:  How’s that Beau?

Beau:  Remember the cow coat you made me wear last winter?

Me:  The one I bought to keep you warm in sub-arctic temperatures.

Beau:  Right that one. The one that makes me look like a dawg in cow’s clothing.

Me:  The cute one.

Beau:  That’s not cute lady. It’s ignominious.

Me:  There you go with the big words again Beau. Why can’t you just say “It’s embarrassing.”?

Beau:  See! You agree!

Me:  Agree to what?

Beau:  That the coat’s embarrassing.

Me:  I did no such thing. I just wanted to know why you couldn’t use everyday words instead of four syllable ones.

Beau:  You’re asking me that? You who writes all sorts of fluffy stuff filled with run on sentences and allegory and similies… and well cow-patties too.

Me:  Oh. So we’re back to the cows again, are we?

Beau:  You’re the one who called me a cow when you caught me eating grass.

Me:  Well. You’re not a cow Beau. You’re a dawg. And can I say, a dang cute one at that?

Beau:  You can say it but I question whether you mean it. As I said, you put me in a coat that made me look like a cow. If you think I’m a cute dawg, why wouldn’t you just get me a coat that keeps me warm instead of makes me look like some other animal?

Me:  (sarcastically) A lapse in judgement?

Beau:  You mean a BIG lapse in judgement, right?

Me: (sigh) I was being sarcastic, in a nice kind of way, Beau.

Beau:  You know there’s no such thing as nice sarcasm, right?

Me:  (sigh) Yes, Beau.

Beau:  Then just say it. The coat was a BIG lapse in judgement.

Me: (sigh)  The coat was a BIG lapse in judgement Beau.

Beau:  And are you willing to admit, therefore, that it’s your fault I eat grass, like a cow?

Me:  You really gotta push it don’t you?

Beau:  Just keepin’ it real lady. Keepin’ it real.

Me:  It’s real clear to me Beau, I can’t win.

Beau:  That’s about the most real thing you’ve said all day Louise. Now. Back to the cow statement. Are you going to apologize?

Me:  (big sigh) I’m sorry I called you a cow Beau.

Beau:  Well, you should be Louise. ‘Cause I know, if I called you an old cow, or any kind of a cow, there’d be dawggone grief to pay all over the place.

He’s got a point!

Fortunately, Beau’s also got more sense than me sometimes. Calling him a cow was a bit of a mistake on my part. (Though, don’t tell him, I still think he looks kind of cute in that coat!)

And if you want to see how cute… click HERE to see Beau in his cow coat.