The Case of the Missing Salmon

Me: Beaumont. Why are you looking so…. sulky?

Beau: I’m not. I’m just giving you attitude.

Me: Why?

Beau: You have to ask?

Me: Ummm. Yes. I can’t read your mind.

Beau: Seriously? You type my words which I can’t speak and you say you can’t read my mind? Hmmmm…. You truly are delusional. Just like you thought saving me a piece of salmon would wipe away all the pain of your going away again.

Me: About that piece of salmon…

Beau: What about it? I’d like it now please.

Me: Well, you know how your Uncle Al and Auntie Jane were here for dinner on the deck?

Beau: Right. Because by coming home early you deprived me of my vacation Chez Uncle Al not to mention their joy of having me as their houseguest!

Me: Well. If I’d known you were so keen on going I could have let you stay with them for the weekend while your dad is in his golf tournament.

Beau: Give me my piece of salmon and I’ll forgive you.

Me: Right. Back to the salmon. Well there’s a problem…

Beau: What? You ate it?

Me: No… but…. it might have accidentally gone home with Al and Jane.

Beau: You mean, you don’t let me go for my vacation Chez Uncle Al and then you give away my salmon.

Me: It was an accident.

Beau: Does my chewing up one of your shoes count as an accident too?

Me: Of course not.

Beau: Well you might want to reconsider your position. I figure I owe you a few ‘accidents’ seeing how you keep taking off on extended holidays without me.

Me: I was visiting the grandchildren. It wasn’t a ‘holiday’.

Beau: See. What did I tell you. Delusional.

Me: Can we get rid of the attitude please?

Beau: Can you admit you were on vacation without me?

Me: Beau….

Beau: Don’t Beau me. I am allowed a bit of attitude given your behaviour of late, especially considering, along with everything else, you gave away my piece of salmon.

Me: I’m sorry?

Beau: Your words are meaningless without real action to demonstrate your sincerity. Now… cooking me up a piece of salmon… that might help with the attitude side of things. Get my drift?

Me: Yes Beau.

Sigh. So I guess I’m off to the grocery store to buy Beau his salmon.

How is it I’m always on the hurting side of history in these conversations? Another Beaumont mystery I’ll never unravel!