I Was Here First

Me: Beaumont. You know you’re sitting on me right?

Beau: You know you’re on my chaise right?

Me: Your chaise?

Beau: Hey! A dawg’s gotta lie somewhere and this is where I lie.

Me: Ummm… This is where I’m reading.

Beau: Louise. There are many places you can read in this house.

Me: And many places you can lie.

Beau: But only one comfy place where I can lie and protect you from the squirrels.

Me: Ummm… excuse me? Protect me from the squirrels?

Beau: Yeah. I can lie in comfort and be on squirrel patrol from the chaise ’cause I can see outside from there.

Me: And why do you need to be on squirrel patrol. You’re inside. They’re outside.

Beau: Have you seen how those rascals fly from branch to branch? One of these days I wouldn’t be surprised if they just flew in through the window and landed right dab in the middle of the living room.

Me: The window’s closed.

Beau: Does the squirrel know that?

Me: I have no idea.

Beau: Are you willing to take that risk?

Me: I’m not sure it’s a risk.

Beau: That’s because I’m always on squirrel patrol. Now please. Get off my chaise and go sit somewhere else. I’ve got a job to do.

Sigh. So. I get off the chaise and move to the couch. Beau lies down on the chaise, watches the squirrels for awhile and then falls asleep. Some Squirrel Patrol watcher!

Beau: Hey! Watch what you say. I’m the best Squirrel Patroller around.

Me: Right. Sleeping Squirrel Patroller you mean.

Beau: It’s hard work. Sometimes, a dawg’s just gotta take a nap.

Me: On my chaise?

Beau: See. That’s the problem. You think it’s yours!

Silly me. What was I thinking!