Rapper Top Dawg Beau

Beaumont: I don’t get it Louise.

Me: Get what Beau?

Beau: Well… Morning has broken / I’m awoken / and you’re sitting at your desk / putting my patience to the test.

Me: Are you trying to be funny?

Beau: Who me? I’m just trying to use words creatively to get your attention.

Me: I don’t like rhyming couplets. I don’t write in them. I don’t think you should speak in them thus forcing me to type them.

Beau: Hey Louise. When the muse calls… I follow.

Me: Don’t you go throwing my words back at me, Beau.

Beau: Ha! I’ve learned from the master. Or should I say mistress?

Me: What’s that supposed to mean?

Beau: It means, I listen to you. Deeply.

Me: You’re doing it again. Throwing my words back at me.

Beau: I’m not throwing anything Louise. I’m just trying to communicate with you in a way that honours your spirit and connects deeply to your heart.

Me: Stop it Beau. You sound ridiculous.

Beau: Hmmm…. If I sound ridiculous how do you think you sound?

Me: Like me.

Beau: Fine. You stick with that. I’ll just get to the point. It’s light out. You’re awake. I’m awake. It’s a beautiful morning. Why are we still sitting inside?

Me: I’m writing your blog post.

Beau: Can’t you type any faster? Look at that day / It’s beggin’ us to get out and play.

Me: You’re rhyming again Beau.

Beau: I don’t think accidental rhymes count in your list of ‘things I don’t like to do’.

Me: It all counts Beau.

Beau: Oh right. How you do one thing is how you do all things. (and he smiles all sweet and innocent.)

Me: And you’re doing it again.

Beau: Doing what Louise? (again with the all sweet and innocent look)

Me: Using my words to make them sound ridiculous.

Beau: Hey! I’m doin’ nothing but mirroring your speech. That is what they say to do to show empathy. Right?

Me: Beau… Have you been reading some of my books?

Beau: Nope. I’ve just been reading your mind. Dawg’s can do that y’a know Louise. Read the human mind. Like a book.

Me: I suggest you stop it.

Beau: I can’t. It comes as naturally to me as chasing squirrels and cars.

Me: Both of which you shouldn’t do.

Beau: Only in your world Louise. Only in yours.

Me: Sigh…. What is it you want Beau?

Beau: Your attention.

Me: You always have my attention Beau. I love you.

Beau: Of course you do. I’m so loveable you can’t help but love me.

Me: Don’t push it.

Beau: Well… now that I’ve got your attention, how about I push you out the door? Your chair has wheels on it you know…

Me: Now you’re pushing it Beau.

Beau: That’s the whole point. (and he runs to the front door, grabs his leash and brings it back to where I’m sitting at my desk and drops it on the floor)

Me: Fine Beau. Then this conversation is over.

Beau: Good thing… ’cause there’s nothin’ more to be said / than let’s get outta here instead / of sittin’ here on our duffs / rhymin’ words that are really tough.

Me: Oh Dawg! Are you trying to rap?

Beau: Ain’t no tryin’ little missy / you put the hip in my hop and the bop in my slop…

Me: That’s really bad Beau… like really bad.

Beau: Yeah. I know. But hey! Technically you wrote it so I’m off the hook girlie-o. But….. You can call me Rap Dawg Beau / ’cause girlie you gotta know / I’m the great top dawg / of this here dialogue / and I ain’t waitin’ no more / for you to take me out the door…

Me: STOP!!!! PLEASE!!!!

Beau: I will if you promise to get dressed and take me out the door. Like… Right now.

And so, to put an end to his really bad rapping, I did just that. Stopped typing, got dressed and set off for a beautiful early morning walk. Sigh… sometimes, giving into Beau’s demands is the only way to get some peace around here.