Me: Beau. Do not jump through that fence. It’s not off-leash.
Beau: (batting his doleful puppy-dog eyes) I’m just looking, Louise.
Me: Yeah. Well, get any thoughts of a “grass is greener” adventure out of that fluffy little head of yours.
Beau: Louise, my feelings are as big as my fur, and you’re hurting them by insinuating my head is “little.”
Me: Oh, I’m so sorry, Beau. No disrespect intended, but…
Beau: Forget the “but.” A heartfelt apology is in order. How do you plan on making amends?
Me: (Exasperated sigh) Tell me why I have to make amends?
Beau: You implied my brilliant mind is “little.” That calls for some serious groveling on your part, I feel.
Me: Hmmm… okay. How about I promise not to underestimate your giant intellect anymore?
Beau: How about you acknowledge that I am a superior being and you are simply my… devoted fan? You shower me with adoration, and I graciously acknowledge you when I feel like it.
Me: Ummm… that sounds oddly familiar to our current dynamic at the park, Beau.
Beau: You’re not invisible, Louise. You’re just… lower on my priority list. Nothing personal, I just like being in charge.
Me: But I’m supposed to be in charge!
Beau: Says who?
Me: Umm… every dog training book ever written?
Beau: Written by hoomans, I presume. Of course, they’d make up rules to boost their own egos. It’s a dawg’s world, Louise. Get used to it.
Me: (Muttering under my breath) Tell that to the world news…
Beau: What’s wrong with a dawg’s world? Especially if it’s filled with T-bone steaks.
Me: Don’t even think about it, Beau. You already scored a steak from a secret admirer.
Beau: Maybe. But not from you… Anyway, I know my adoring fans will provide.
Me: (Snorts) As if.
Beau: See, there you go again, acting like the boss. My fans will make sure I get my steak.
Me: You think you’ve won this one, don’t you, Beau?
Beau: I know I have.
(Beau gracefully leaps through the fence, leaving me to stand and watch from the other side as he munches away on the sweet prairie grasses)
Beau: (With a mouthful of grass) I’m not ignoring you, Louise. The grass just tastes better over here.
(Sigh) And so, I find myself on the wrong side of the fence, watching Beau indulge in his forbidden salad bar. Some Sundays, being a dog mom is ruff.
Sundays with Beaumont 
Oh Beau you would look funny with a little head and I don’t think your brain will fit into a little head, sadly two legged creatures are pretty much always in charge of four legged creatures. I know that is difficult for such a handsome four legged animal to deal with.
LikeLike