Here kitty kitty!

Beaumont:  I thought I told you I didn’t want that cat staying here any more.

Me:  It’s not your choice.

Beau:  Says who?

Me:  Says me.

Beau:  And who made you queen?

Me:  I’m not queen. I just get to decide who comes over.

Beau:  And I get to decide if I accept your decisions or not. Just so we’re clear. I don’t.

Me:    Be nice.

Beau:  Have you seen how she treats me?  She hisses at me and swings her little paws in my face like I’m a fly or something she’s trying to bat away.

Me:    You scare her.

Beau:   I scare her?  I’m not the one hissing and batting my paws.

Me:  Well you do try to put your paw on her back and make her lay down.

Beau:  It’s self-defense.

Me:  You’re bigger than her. Be nice.

Beau:   Why don’t you tell her to be nice? She’s the one picking on me.

Me:   She’s our guest.

Beau:   Oh no you don’t. She’s your guest. I didn’t invite her.

Me:  Beaumont. Be nice.

Beau:    I try!  I drop my ball in front of her. I chase her around the island. I even try to pet her. All she does is hiss and swing. Hiss and swing.

Me:  You might try leaving her alone.

Beau:  What good is she if I just have to leave her alone?

Me:  It’s not all about you Beau.

Beau:  Says who?

Me:  Says me.

Beau:  You know we’re back where we started this conversation.

Me:  Whatever. Do you promise to be nice to her?

Beau:  Do you promise to make her stop hissing and swinging at me?

Me:  I can’t. She’s a cat. She does what she wants.

Beau:  And I’m the top dawg in this house. When do I get to do what I want?

Me:  Ummm… you always do?

Beau:    Good. Now that we’ve got that figured out, I’ll just keep trying to get her to play with me as long as she’s here.

Me:  That might not go the way you want.

Beau:  What I want is for you to quit inviting her over to stay.

Me:  That’s not going to happen.

Beau:  Well here we go again. Full circle. So let me tell you what will happen whenever she comes over to stay. I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing to get her to play with me.

Me:  (Sigh)  Fine. Have it your way.

Beau:  Thanks. Don’t mind if I do.  Here kitty kitty!  Here kitty kitty!  Let’s play chase around the island!

And so it goes.

My daughter’s cat Zoey is here for a few days. Beau is convinced he can win her over. I’m not holding my breath.