Me Beaumont, you know we have a no kissing policy here at work?
Beau: Uh huh.
Me: Then. Ummm. Why are you kissing Svetlana?
Beau: Because she put her face right next to mine?
Me: Doesn’t mean you have to kiss her.
Beau: Of course it does. I’m a dog.
Me: But you’re ignoring our policy.
Beau: Hey. I’d like to ignore you sometimes but I don’t. Well, almost never. Ok. Most of the time I do. But I do occasionally listen to you.
Me: Well this is one of those occasional times you need to listen to me. Stop kissing Svetlana.
Beau: But she likes it. She loves me. She said so.
Me: I love you too but I don’t let you kiss me at work.
Beau: Well maybe you should. You know, don’t take yourself so seriously and all that jazz.
Me: Beau. This isn’t about me. It’s about you and your disobeying the rules.
Beau: Lady. How many times do I have to tell you? Rules are meant to be broken.
Me: Rules keep us safe.
Beau: Not your rules. They keep life boring.
Me: Beau! That’s not nice.
Beau: Hey! I just tell it like it is. Anyway. I’m just trying to follow your rule about not lying.
Me: Well that is a good rule to follow. But… could you maybe just be a little nicer in how you tell the truth?
Beau: Like. Sugar coat it so you feel better about the truth?
Me: Well, maybe not quite so blatantly. But it would be good if you could find a way to speak truth without it hurting my feelings.
Beau: So what you’re really saying is I should tell little white lies so you won’t be hurt by the truth?.
Me: Um…. Well…. When you put it that way…. yes.
Beau: So… you want me to lie?
Me: Oh Dawg. This isn’t going to end well for me is it?
Beau: Now that’s the truth.
Me: Fine. Do what you want.
Beau: I cannot tell a lie. That’s what I was going for in the first place. Now out of my way. I’ve got to find Svetlana so she can love all over me again. You’re rather boring.
Sigh. And so it goes. Winning an argument with Beau is just not going to happen. And I’m pretty sure that’s true.