Beaumont: Aaargh! You’re kidding, right? You’re not actually going to make me go outside in this get-up?
Me: It’s cold outside.
Beau: Yeah? Well it will be a cold day in hell before you take me out in public looking like this!
Me: I think you look kind of cute. Anyway, I don’t want you to catch a chill.
Beau: Lady, all I’m catchin’ in this ridiculous get-up is the ridicule of every dawg at the park.
Me: Remember the Polar Vortex? You want to play outside, you must dress for the weather.
Beau: I don’t mind dressing for the weather but why can’t you just be like other dog hooman’s and buy me a coat that isn’t quite such a fashion faux pas?
Me: I told you. I think you look cute.
Beau: Lady. Lady. Lady. There is nothing cute about dressing me up to look like a Heifer. It’s just not dignified. I’m a Sheepadoodle. There’s no bovine involved in my pedigree.
Me: It’s a Holstein.
Beau: Holy who?
Me: Holstein. You said your coat looks like a Heifer. It doesn’t. It’s meant to look like a Holstein.
Beau: Holy Cowabunga lady. The deep freeze outside seems to have caused your brain cells to freeze up. I don’t care what kind of holycow it looks like. I’m not going outside looking like a cow anything. Period.
Me: Do you want to run around and chase the ball?
Beau: Do cows eat grass?
Me: Right. So, you wear the coat or we don’t go.
Beau: Seriously? You think you can win this one?
Me: It’s not about winning or losing Beau. It’s about dressing for the weather.
Beau: Whether or not you know it, dressing me up to look like a cow makes you look ridiculous.
Me: I’m okay with that. I told you. I don’t want you to catch a chill.
Beau: Fine. I’ll wear the coat. The boots go.
Me: Will you at least give them a try?
Beau: Is it the only way I’m going to get you to take me to the park?
Me: Yes Beau. There’s a Polar Vortex out there and I’m not taking any chances with your health and well-being.
Beau: How thoughtful of you.
Me: A thank you would be appreciated.
Beau: Let’s get to the park and then see who’s thanking whom.
So… off to the park we went. Beau wore his coat (it’s cute, right?) Unfortunately, the boots flew off the minute he leapt from the car — Never to be worn again.
I did kind of win this one though? Right?