Me: Beaumont. What are you doing?
Beaumont: The question isn’t what am I doing, it’s, “What aren’t you doing?”
Me: I’ll bite. What aren’t I doing?
Beau: Well, first off, using stupid phrases like, “I’ll bite” with a dawg is something you shouldn’t be doing.
Me: Oh. Right. Sorry. Okay. Just tell me, because I know you will anyway, what aren’t I doing?
Beau: It’s pretty obvious. What day is today?
Me: I’ll bi.. Oops. Sorry. It’s Monday.
Beau: Big enough hint for you?
Me: It’s Easter Monday?
Beau: Doesn’t matter what kind of Monday it is. It’s Monday. Writing my blog on Monday is a dereliction of your duties.
Me: I was busy yesterday.
Beau: Right. Painting silly little bunnies for your dinner guests on Zoom.
Me: It was important. I wanted everyone to feel like we were all still celebrating together. And I always make placecards for dinner.
Beau: Hmmm…. I don’t remember seeing one with my name on it.
Me: You’re a dawg, not a bunny.
Beau: Excuse me? And your guests are…
Me: Well that’s different.
Beau: Really. Coulda fooled me. But we digress. Back to my blog. Remember. It’s called, “Sundays with Beaumont”. Not Monday, Tuesday or any other day of the week. It’s Sundays with Beaumont and this is Monday and you’re finally getting to it. Well. almost. You’re still lying in bed. Time to get up and get at ‘er. My fans are waiting.
Me: I’m tired.
Beau: What? Painting all those silly little bunnies tired you out?
Me: No. You’re snoring at the end of the bed all night tired me out.
Beau: Wasn’t me. (looking pointedly to where his dad, C.C., is sleeping silently beside me).
Me: Well, whoever it was, the snoring disturbed my sleep.
Beau: I’ll disturb more than your sleep if you don’t get up and write my blog.
Me: Beau. Are you threatening me?
Beau: Nope. Just stating a fact. You know… Cause and effect. Actions lead to consequences… Like… you don’t post my blog and those pretty summer sandals you like so much… well… let’s just say they might taste pretty good on a snow-covered April day like today.
Me: Beau! Leave my shoes out of this.
Beau: Will you leave your tiredness out of it and get my blog posted?
Me: Do I have a choice?
Beau: Not really. (smiling his silly contented, ‘I got my way’ grin)
Me: Fine. I’ll get to it as soon as I make my coffee.
Beau: What about taking me out for my morning constitutional?
Me: Make up your mind Beau. You want your blog posted or not?
Beau: What I want is for you to be more responsible, but we both know that’s not going to happen so I’ll settle for my morning walk, your coffee and my blog being posted. In that order. Because we also know that without your coffee, you’ll just be typing gibberish.
Me: Harrumph. I do not ever type ‘gibberish’.
Beau: Ha! Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
Me: Stop. It’s way too early for a dawg to be quoting Shakespeare! I’m getting up!
Me: Ummm…. are you going to get off me?
Beau: Oh you humans. So demanding. (leaping down from the bed) I’ll be waiting by the front door. Let’s go lady. Days awaiting!
Sigh. And so the day begins with Beaumont in charge, as always.
But seriously, how does a dawg know who Shakespeare is anyway? 🙂 Oh right. We already had that conversation – HERE.