Beaumont: So…. are we finally back to regular programming, Louise?
Me: Yes Beau.
Beau: Good. So can we please get rid of the ‘artsy’ photo too?
Me: What do you mean? I like it!
Beau: But it doesn’t really do me justice now does it?
Me: I think it does.
Beau: Well… we all know where your taste lives don’t we.
Me: Dare I say it… On my tongue?
Beau: There you go being all obtuse again.
Me: And there you go being difficult. Again.
Beau: I’m not difficult. I just know what I like. and what I want. And as a cultured, gentlemendawg, I want you to take that photo down.
Me: Not happening.
Beau: Oh my. Am I going to have to call my friend Rod and get him to set you straight?
Me. No Beau. You’re just going to have to learn to live with it.
Beau: Hmmmm…. just as you have to live with what month this is?
Me: It’s May.
Beau: Still being obtuse I see.
Me: Is it or is it not May?
Beau: It’s May Louise but that’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.
Me: Pray enlighten me — ’cause I know you will.
Beau: Of course! What else is a gentlemendawg to do with a hooman who likes to pretend what is isn’t what is.
Me: Don’t get all Buddhadawgish on me Beau. Just tell me what I need to know.
Beau: Of course oh mistress of mine.
Me: Beau… cut the crap. Spill it.
Beau: (smiling his contented ‘cat got a canary’ smile) It’s National Pet Month!
Me: National what?
Beau: May is National Pet Month in America. Britain celebrated it last month. Now it’s our turn.
Me: We live in Canada.
Beau: Same diff.
Me: Oh dear. Do I need to go all national fervour ranty and flag-waving with you?
Beau: Of course not. I know there’s a difference in your mind. Me. I just think you’re all going to the dawgs. And that’s a good thing.
Me: What? Why is going to the dawgs a good thing?
Beau: You have to ask that? Look around you Louise. Do I worry and fret? Do I fight and stake out my turf, okay well maybe I do mark my territory but that’s mostly so other dawgs know where I’ve been. Anyway, as I was saying, do I worry and fret about panda’s running wild and house prices sky-rocketing, though how a house can sky-rocket I’ve no idea, but seriously Louise, going to the dawgs is not all bad.
Me: You only say that because you are a dawg.
Beau: Exactly! You hoomans could learn a lot from us four-paws.
Me: Like what?
Beau: Like how to get along with every Tom, Dick and Sally for one. Ever notice how dawgs have an innate ability to go with the flow regardless of who’s joined the pack?
Me: I think you’ve got your metaphors mixed up Beau.
Beau: Don’t go all literal on me Louise. You know exactly what I mean.
Me: (sigh) Right. So say I do… what does any of that have to do with National Pet Month.
Beau: It means, it’s time to quit fighting the current and get with the show.
Me: (sigh) Again with the mixed metaphors?
Beau: I think you’re just all mixed up Louise. You seem to have forgotten the importance of celebrating all the love in your life. And I am a big part of that.
Me: So how do you want me to do that, dear Beau?
Beau: Sarcasm is a fool’s form of wit Louise.
Me: Who said that?
Beau: Well… me just now but originally? Mark Twain.
Me: Well then, on National Pet Month, let’s agree, you’re already spoiled enough.
Beau: Ha! Let’s agree you’re wrong. There is no such thing as being too spoiled when you’re as lovable and endearing and charming a dawg as me.
Me: I think perhaps we should agree that on this one… never the ‘twain shall meet.
Beau: Oooohhh… good one Louise. Got an encore?
Me: No. Of course not. This isn’t some one act play, Beau. It’s life.
Beau: That’s my point Louise. Every moment counts. And in case you’ve forgotten, in two days it’s my 6th birthday so… National Pet Month or not, I expect fireworks and birthday cake and a whole lot of fuss.
Me: So… life as normal for you?
Beau: (again with the ‘cat got a canary’ smile Pretty well.
Beau turns six this week. Hard to imagine our lives without him. But… puhleeeeease don’t tell him I said that. He’s already incorrigible enough now. Imagine how bad he’d be if he knew just how important he truly is in our lives? But then… I think he does. I sure hope so. 🙂