Finally… She’s Back!

Beaumont: Like a lion stalking its prey, I have been hunting for you.

Me: Very poetic, Beau. Now, can we just carry on, please?

Beaumont: What??? And ignore your lack of commitment, your dereliction of duty, your abysmal behavior this past month? I think not.

Me: Hmmm… those are some strong words, Beau. A bit melodramatic, don’t you think?

Beaumont: Your taking August off was the real melodrama, Louise. I’m merely holding up the mirror.

Me: Two wrongs do not make a right, Beau.

Beaumont: Aha! So you admit you’re in the wrong.

Me: Oh. Well…. No? I needed the break.

Beaumont: Really? What about me? What about my adoring fans? Did you think to ask us first, or to at least send a postcard before disappearing for a month?

Me: I didn’t disappear, Beau. I kept people informed, and I did post some delightful re-runs…

Beaumont: Harrumph! And you think that makes up for a month of radio silence?

Me: That’s a judgment, Beau. And it’s not nice to judge.

Beaumont: I prefer to call it ‘constructive criticism’, Louise. I’m simply calling a spade a spade. And you, my dear, are the kettle holding the spade with your dirty hands.

Me: Ummm… Beau… you’ve mixed your metaphor and adage up into word salad. The saying is… calling a spade a spade. There’s no kettle. So… if you’re suggesting I’m the spade, well, then you’re digging the hole right alongside me.

Beaumont: Don’t try to distract me with your verbal acrobatics!

Me: My what?

Beaumont: You know what. We both know you’re trying to avoid the real issue here.

Me: What I know, Beau, is that I needed the break. I was out on the coast visiting the Littles and taking a look at your new abode.

Beaumont: And when were you going to take ME to see if I like my new abode?

Me: When we actually move?

Beaumont: And what say do I have in this move?

Me: Ummm…. you can say you like it? You’re looking forward to it? You’re excited.

Beaumont: And if I’m none of those things? I mean, Louise, how can I be any of those things when you don’t include me in the discussion? A dog’s home is his castle, you know.

Me: I’m including you now.

Beaumont: After-the-fact. Kind of like taking the month of August off. You let me and my fans know after the fact. Where’s the loyalty in that, Louise?

Me: (sigh) Alright. You’ve got a point. I apologize. But really, Beau…

Beaumont: Stop right there! No excuses, Louise. Acknowledge. Apologize. Recommit. Make Amends.

Me: Yes. Beau. I acknowledge I didn’t consult you prior to taking August off from posting your blog. I apologize. I recommit to turning up on Sunday…

Beaumont: Ahem. EVERY Sunday…

Me: I recommit to turning up on EVERY Sunday.

Beaumont: And the amends? Huh? T-Bone steak. Heck, you missed 4 Sundays in August. I think that qualifies for 4 T-Bone steaks.

Me: Don’t push it, Beau.

Beaumont: Don’t fall down on your commitments, and I won’t have to push it, Louise. A dog’s gotta eat, after all.

Sigh. And so it goes. Even after a break, I can’t win with this guy!