What about my dawggone rights?

Beau: Louise, darling, are you trying to sabotage my modeling career? This tongue situation is getting out of hand!

Me: Oh, relax, Beau. It’s just a little tongue. It’s cute!

Beau: Cute? This is not some kind of ‘cute’ contest! I am a sophisticated Sheepadoodle with a reputation to uphold. This constant impulse of yours to post photos of me with my tongue-wagging all over makes me look like I’ve just chased my tail for three hours straight.

Me: But you do chase your tail for three hours straight…

Beau: That is beside the point! A gentleman dawg never reveals his secrets. And certainly not in photographic evidence. Go check last week’s post, you’ll see I lodged a formal complaint.

Me: Formal complaint? You mean that little whimper about ‘unflattering angles’ and ‘tongue flapping in the breeze’?

Beau: (huffs) It was a strongly worded objection! There was an implied understanding that you, my dear but somewhat clueless hooman, would cease and desist with the tongue photos.

Me: Clueless? I think your pink tongue adds a certain je ne sais quoi to your photos. It’s like a pop of colour against your… well, let’s call it “naturally highlighted” fur.

Beau: ‘Naturally highlighted?’ Louise, darling, we both know those are remnants of yesterday’s breakfast which you never got aound to wiping off. And no, my tongue does not add ‘pop.’ It adds ‘drool.’ This is a clear violation of my dawg rights!

Me: Okay, drama dawg king. If you don’t want me to capture your tongue, why stick it out?

Beau: Because I am a dawg! It’s how we express our joy, our excitement, our deep philosophical contemplation of squirrels.

Me: And I’m a hooman. Capturing your every goofy moment is how I express my joy.

Beau: Goofy? This is not ‘goofy,’ it’s… it’s… unrefined! And frankly, this obsession with my tongue reveals your own insecurities, Louise. You’re trying to distract from your own flaws by highlighting mine. Not to mention your blatant refusal to serve me a T-bone steak. A clear sign of your flawed hooman nature.

Me: Not this again. Your fan club might think you deserve a T-bone, but your vet (and my wallet) disagree.

Beau: See! This is exactly what I’m talking about! You post embarrassing photos, deny me delicious steak… Quid pro quo, Louise. Quid pro quo.

Me: Fine. No more tongue photos. But the steak issue is non-negotiable.

Beau: (sighs dramatically) Perhaps a ribeye, then? (closes his eyes and pretends to snore softly)

Me: Aaaarrrgh!

And just for the record, I would never let him chase his tail for three hours for fear he’d get too dizzy and fall over. See, I’m always thinking about his well-being! And yes, that includes NOT feeding him T-bone steak! 🙂

Beau: (smirking as he continues to feign sleeping) Me thinks the lady doth protest too much!