Hiatus of the Houndish kind.

Hello Fans!

It’s me, your erstwhile favourite Reporter of the Hound, trying, as best I can, to keep Louise, the increasingly Unreliable Non-Reporter of the Hound, on track. But, fact is, keeping Louise on track is like trying to herd cats in a hurricane. A hurricane made of squirrels. On fire. You get the picture.

Anyway, for all her foibles, Louise does recognize that she has fallen short on her reporting duties. She says she’s apologetic, but frankly, I think she’s mostly just sorry she got caught. To help you understand her logic, or complete lack thereof, I thought I’d share this recent conversation. Brace yourselves.

Me (Beaumont): Louise, my adoring fans are starting to think you ran off with the mailman. You haven’t tapped out a single one of my witty missives in ages! My wisdom is going to waste!

Her (Louise): (Yawns dramatically) I know.

Me (Beau): “You know”? That’s it? “I know”? Do you realize my autobiography is practically writing itself here, and you’re letting it slip through your fingers? We’re talking bestseller list, Louise! Think of the treats we could buy!

Her (Louise): (Muttering from under a blanket) I don’t know, Beau. I just haven’t felt inspired.

Me (Beau): Are you suggesting I, the most magnificent, the most insightful, the most undeniably adorable Sheepadoodle on the planet, no longer inspires you? Have you no shame?

Her (Louise): No, Beau. Of course not. It’s not you, it’s me. (Sniffs dramatically). It’s just that… well, since our first post way back on September 16, 2018, I’ve kind of, you know, run out of steam. And fingers. Crikey! Even the letters on my keyboard have faded.

Me (Beau): Run out of steam? Louise, we’ve been napping for the past three months! You’ve had nothing BUT steam! Besides, it’s a new year! New year, new you, new beginnings! Remember all that “Begin Again” nonsense you’re always spouting? Practice what you preach, woman!

Her (Louise): (Bursts forth from under the blanket) I have no idea, Beau! Okay? Maybe I’m having an existential crisis! Maybe I’m questioning the very nature of this blog and its place in the vast digital universe! Maybe I’m choosing to live in the question rather than forcing a premature answer! Ever think of that, huh?

Me (Beau): “Living in the question”? That sounds suspiciously like a load of gibberish designed to let you skate away from your responsibilities so you can loll about in a hammock sipping Mai Tais and eating Bon Bons!

Her (Louise): (Eyes gleaming, fake smile) And what, pray tell, would be wrong with that?

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Yup! That’s the conversation! Now you know how bad it is, peeps. Sheesh. The woman doesn’t even like Mai Tais! She prefers cheap wine! Cheap WINE! I can’t even…

(Beau dramatically faints)

(Louise pretends to not notice)

(Resigned to her indifference, Beau regains consciousness with a dramatic shudder)

So, there you have it, dear readers. The future of “Sundays with Beaumont” hangs in the balance. Will Louise ever emerge from her existential funk? Will she rediscover her passion for chronicling my canine genius? Only time will tell. Or, as that human poet fellow, Maria Rilke (apparently Louise isn’t the only one with a penchant for dramatic pronouncements), once said, “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves… Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”  

Perhaps. But in the meantime, a dog can dream, can’t he? In fact, maybe she’ll give me that plate of bacon she’s frying up or perhaps… YES! You got it! A T-Bone Steak!).

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And a belated HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yup! Even there I couldn’t get her to raise a finger to the keyboard and type my best wishes to you all in a timely fashion!

Sigh! Please send encouragement (and maybe a t-bone steak or two!) Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge.