Late Again?

Beaumont: Seriously, Louise? My devoted readership grows restless! Their digital missives flood my (your) inbox, questioning your very dedication to disseminating my profound insights and witty pronouncements with timely precision. The audacity of this tardiness!

Me: Of course your… pronouncements… are important, Beau. It’s just that a dear friend visited for the weekend, and, well, time has a way of slipping through one’s fingers when good company abounds. Yesterday simply evaporated.

Beau: Evaporated? A convenient meteorological metaphor for your lack of foresight and organizational skills! Excuses, Louise, are the refuge of the incompetent, a verbal smoke screen to obscure personal failings.

Me: Hmmm… did your vast intellect conjure that nugget of wisdom, Beau, or is there peer-reviewed research to substantiate it?

Beau: The irrefutable evidence lies in the delayed appearance of my blog! You are my chronicler, my scribe! To falter in this duty is to demonstrate a blatant disregard for our symbiotic relationship and, more importantly, for the eager anticipation of my followers. Accountability, Louise! It’s a concept you seem to treat with alarming flippancy.

Me: Beau! I am being accountable! I’m posting your blog today, aren’t I? Albeit… fashionably late.

Beau: A day behind schedule is hardly ‘fashionable,’ Louise. It’s simply… late. And where, pray tell, is the requisite groveling? The heartfelt apology for this egregious delay? The solemn vow to prioritize my blog above all earthly pleasures, including (presumably) the company of this weekend interloper?

Me: Goodness gracious, Beau! I do this because I adore you, and it genuinely brings me joy. But…

Beau: Silence! No ‘buts’! My pronouncements brook no interruption, especially one so riddled with self-justification.

Me: Fine. And, I hereby grant myself the occasional permission to experience the vagaries of time and social engagements without immediate repercussions to the Beaumont Blog schedule. Just because.

Beau: Such… bold immaturity, Louise. ‘Just because’? You sound like a toddler wielding a crayon, not a seasoned individual who should possess a modicum of responsibility.

Me: Beau! I am not ‘seasoned’! I prefer ‘vintage’ or perhaps ‘ageless’!

Beau: Hmmm… according to whom, exactly?

Me: Well… me? Obviously.

Beau: Perhaps a visit to the looking glass is in order, Louise. My keen eyes detect the subtle silver threads adorning your coiffure, the delicate etchings of time upon your visage. And those… pouches beneath your jawline… a squirrel could overwinter in those!

Me: Ouch, Beau! That was uncalled for! I do not have pouches!

Beau: Observe yourself, Louise. And as you gaze into those, dare I say it, ‘increasingly weary’ eyes, ask yourself with heart-driven honesty: “Have I honored my commitment to the Beaumont’s blog with unwavering dedication?” I suspect the reflection will offer a rather damning indictment.

Me: (Sighing deeply) He really can be insufferable sometimes, can’t he?

Beau: (Without a hint of irony) No, Louise. I cannot. I can, however, be unflinchingly honest when confronted with your persistent inclination to evade responsibility and accountability.

Me: And there he goes. Once again leaving me holding the short end of the proverbial stick.

Beau: You wouldn’t find yourself in such a predicament, Louise, if you applied yourself with greater diligence, focus, and unwavering commitment to the task at hand. Now, if you’ll excuse me, a nap awaits.

And just like that, he closes his eyes, leaving me with the sonorous soundtrack of his snoring (and puhleeease, don’t believe a word of his denials of his snoring prowess) while I’m left staring at myself in the mirror. Dang! He’s a hard master to please!