Happy Father’s Day!

Hey dudes. It’s me. Beaumont. Or rather, Sir Beaumont the Magnificiently Magnanimous King of Sheepadoodle.

Today’s Father’s Day so I get to be King for a day!

Me: Beau, you think you’re king everyday.

Beau: Ummm. Louise. This is my blog. My day. My rules. And the rule today is I get to say, do and be whatever I want. And today, I choose to be king. And anyway, you weren’t supposed to be chatting with me today. You’re supposed to be preparing some delicious dinner for 13.

Me: 13? There’s only 10 of us.

Beau: Ahem. Aren’t you forgetting someones?

Me: I don’t think so.

Beau: Think again Louise. There are three amazing guests you’ve forgotten.

Me: Oh. You mean you, Martha and Wilma!

Beau: Dawg. You can be slow sometimes. And while I am not always in favour of sharing Uncle Jim’s treats and attention with others, today, I am on my most magnificently magnanimous behaviour and thus, I deign to invite my girlies to the fest.

Me: You know you didn’t really have a choice.

Beau: Louise. Just for today when you are celebrating me, cannot you not please let me live with my delusions as if they’re true?

Me: But Beau, you’re not even a dad so how is today about you?

Beau: Delusions Louise. Remember?

Me: Oh right. Apologies. But, you know, living with delusions is a recipe for disappointment, right?

Beau: Only in a hooman’s world, Louise. To us dawgs, delusions are the only way we can make sense of a lot of your hooman nonsense.

Me: Oh.

Beau: Ahhhh…. Finally, Louise of too many words is speechless.

Me: Ummm… doesn’t being magnificently magnanimous also mean disposing of the sarcasm?

Beau: Who me? Sarcastic?

Me: Don’t be cute Beau.

Beau: Who me? Not be cute? How can I not be? I was born cute!

Me: Is that another one of your delusions?

Beau: Ooooohhhh….. Louise! Sarcasm? You?

Me: Hey! Just following your lead, Beau.

Beau: Louise. Louise. Louise. Sarcasm is a hooman frailty. To us dawgs, it’s just being clever. I mean, think about it, you’re always saying things like, “Clever Beau!” when I retrieve the ball, like I’m some kind of genius or something when really, it’s just about me trying to help you.

Me: How is retrieving the ball helping me?

Beau: Well, if I don’t go and fetch it, you sure as heck aren’t going to, which means, you’ll just have thrown it away for nothing, which means, you’ll be left with nothing.

Me: Is that supposed to make sense to me?

Beau: Louise, another hooman frailty on display. Being hooman doesn’t make any sense at all. Hence, trying to make sense of your hooman condition is non-sensical.

Me: I am soooooo confused.

Beau: And there you have it, the crux of the hooman condition. It’s confusing…. Now, throw the ball so I can go get it and bring it back to you and you will feel like you’ve done something purposeful today.

Me: I can’t win can I?

Beau: (smiling sweetly) Did you think you could?

Sigh. And so, I throw the ball again and again and Beau so graciously fetches it.

Beau: Oh. And Louise. About that Father’s Day thingie…. Happy Father’s Day Dudes of the world. Heck. If all wooomans are like Louise, you’ve definitely earned this day to celebrate you!

Me: Beau! Be nice.

Beau: Just telling it like it is Louise. You’re the one who said delusion isn’t good for the soul.

Me: (spluttering) But…

Beau: Just leave it Louise. You know you can’t win anyway.

Sighing again. He’s so right!