My Alarm Clock Has Fur (And Opinions)

Me: Beau, you’re lying on top of me.

Beau: My. Aren’t you the observant one.

Me: (Muttering) Oh, you little facetious beast, don’t give me that look.

Beau: I’m not being facetious, though you gotta admit it Louise. I am a rather handsome beast. However, back to our current dilemma. I’m just stating the obvious. You finally noticed where I’ve been for the past 10 minutes while you slumbered and mumbled in your sleep.

Me: I wasn’t sleeping. I was meditating.

Beau: Some call it sleeping.

Me: Whateverrrr… Why are you draped across me?

Beau: Duh! So you’ll get up and take me out and feed me and give me a treat and all those wonderful things you need to do to show me how much you love and care for me?

Me: And how am I supposed to get up if you’re pinning me down?

Beau: I’m sure you can figure a simple thing like that out, even at your ripe old age.

Me: Seriously, Beau?! You, who are the same age in human years, are casting shade on my age? The audacity!

Beau: Hey. I’m just a dawg lying on a girl, waiting for her to show me she loves me.

Me: Haha. Are you trying to go all Notting Hill on me, Beau?

Beau: No, Louise. I’m trying to go ‘Let’s all get up and let’s get going!’ on you!

Me: It’s Sunday.

Beau: And?

Me: And I’m lying in, savouring the morning. The quiet. The silence. The peace. Well, I was enjoying it…

Beau: Good. The ‘was’ means you’re over your little pretend meditation that was really sleep spell and will now get into action. Let’s go!

And with that grand pronouncement (and unwarranted judgement I must add), he springs off the bed (using my body as his personal catapult, naturally) and leaps headlong into the day, leaving me no choice but to follow suit. Sigh. I was so looking forward to a lie-in.

Beau: And I am sooooo looking forward to a nice long pee in the garden. Oh. And by the way... You might call it judgement. I call it truth. Now, let’s go!