The MIA Files

Beau: You read it here first peeps. Louise has gone MII!

Me: It’s MIA Beau — Missing in Action.

Beau: Yeah? Well that may be the case for some but for you, It’s MII — Missing in Inaction! Like, you’ve been skimping on posting my blog. Not to mention the MII of my T-Bone steak.

Me: Give it up already would you please? You’ll get a T-Bone when C.C. and I have one for dinner.

Beau: Ha! If you re-read the fine print in my accepting you as my hooman, Louise, you’ll see the T-Bone steak refers to the WHOLE steak. Not just the T-Bone. It’s a complete phrase.

Me: Duh! Don’t try schooling me on English Beau. I know my lingo.

Beau: Hmm… well by your age, I’d hope so. (smiles oh-so-sweet and insincere)

Me: And forget about any bone of any kind if you’re going to start throwing around age jokes Beau.

Beau: What? You’re sensitive about your age Louise? Well. Well. That’s kinda against the policies of your She Dares movement isn’t it? Perhaps you should be walkin’ your talk. Not shirkin’ your duties, like posting my blog every Sunday.

Me: I’ve been busy.

Beau: I’ve noticed. You’ve had your head buried in your laptop for days now! I mean, if you’re going to be pounding the keyboard so furiously day in, day out, why not pound out my missives while you’re at it?

Me: Well… I do get a bit compulsive when I’m in the midst of a creative project… I’ve been writing.

Beau: No kidding. I barely get any attention. Our walks now include you talking into your phone about getting older. Dawggone it Louise. You’re not getting any younger so why make such a big deal about getting older?

Me: I’m not making a big deal about getting older Beau. In fact, I think I’m doing the opposite. Trying to frame it as a natural part of living. ‘Cause it is.

Beau: Sure. If you say so.

Me: What’s that supposed to mean?

Beau: What d’ya think it’s supposed to mean?

Me: Don’t answer a question with a question, Beau.

Beau: That’s what you think it means?

Me: Now you’re being obtuse.

Beau: Nope. Just gettin’ real, Louise. And the reality is – all the excuses in the world does not change the truth — you have not been keeping your commitment to post my blog every Sunday.

Me: Well… to make up for my inaction and to give your legions of fans something to watch, I’ve created a little video of you frolicking at the sea. Consider it a peace offering.

Beau: Hmph. A peace offering, you say? You think a little footage of me being my magnificent self is going to erase your shirking? A video is just a quick fix, Louise. A shiny bandage for a gaping wound. It doesn’t change the fact that my blog has been missing, my T-Bone has been missing, and your commitment has been missing. Now Hands Up! Move away from the keyboard. I gotta check for messages from my fans. At least they never forget about me.

Dang! I was hoping a video was a good way to appease my relentless publicist (and his fan club) with a peace offering. I mean, I did spend the morning editing it.

Beau: Just another excuse, Louise. Just another excuse.

Sigh… Oh well. Here’s the video anyway. And honest, it’s not an excuse. It’s a… peace offering. 🙂