Me: Beau. We need to talk.
Beaumont: We talk all the time.
Me: I think it’s more that I talk. You ignore me.
Beau: I’m a dawg. And a male. You use too many words.
Me: Haha. That old trope.
Beau: Oh, Louise. Not a trope. Truth.
Me: I use as many words as necessary to get you to listen.
Beau: You use so many words you put me to sleep.
Me: Oh good! You get my drift. I wanted to talk about your sleep.
Beau: What about it?
Me: I want you to sleep on the bed with me.
Beau: What you want and what you get are not always the same thing, Louise.
Me: I’m the master of this ship now. And I want you to sleep on the bed.
Beau: Really? Remember, Louise. My master took his last breath three weeks ago. You’re simply his designated survivor. I’m pretty sure the will doesn’t give you full domain over me.
Me: But I need you there. I feel comforted when you’re beside me.
Beau: Believe me, Louise. You need me well rested if you want comfort. And I sure as heck don’t get any rest trying to evade your flailing appendages in the dark of night.
Me: Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not that bad.
Beau: Have you ever tried sleeping in a litter of eight puppies, all vying to get closest to their mother?
Me: No.
Beau: Well, take it from me. I’d choose that shoving, overcrowded, may-the-best-pup-win chaos over sleeping with you. You’re like a giant octopus on steroids. Arms and legs flying everywhere.
Me: Pleeaaassseeee?
Beau: Honestly, Louise? You want me to sacrifice a perfectly good night’s sleep to give you comfort not even a Superdawg could provide?
Me: Yes?
Beau: No.
Me: Please. Please. Please?
Beau: No. No. No.
Me: What if I command you?
Beau: (Laughing outrageously) Since when have I ever obeyed your commands?
Me: You could start now.
Beau: Ever heard you can’t teach an old dawg new tricks?
Me: Yes.
Beau: Well, believe me. Age has nothing to do with this. The only way I’d survive a night beside you is in an astronaut suit. Preferably one with reinforced padding.
Me: But you always slept with Charles whenever I wasn’t here.
Beau: Yup. And the key was… you weren’t here.
Me: That’s not very nice.
Beau: Neither is getting kicked in the ribs at three in the morning.
Me: I just miss having someone beside me, Beau.
Beau: I know, Louise.
Me: You do?
Beau: Of course I do. I miss him too.
Me: Then why won’t you sleep beside me?
Beau: Because sleeping in his spot won’t bring him back.
Me: I know that.
Beau: And because you don’t need me to be C.C. You need me to be me.
Me: Duh. And who might that be?
Beau: The handsome, loyal, extraordinarily intelligent dawg who loves you enough to stay close. Just not close enough to get clobbered by your nocturnal gymnastics.
Me: So that’s your final answer?
Beau: Yup.
Me: You’re very stubborn.
Beau: Learned from the best.
Me: Charles was a great teacher.
Beau: Ha! On everything else. Stubborness? I‘m Luke Skywalker to your Yoda.
Me: Haha.
Beau: Though even Luke didn’t view love as complicated as you do.
Me: What’s that supposed to mean?
Beau: You think loving someone means they have to be right beside you. Same bed. Same room. Always within reach.
Me: Not always.
Beau: Good. ‘Cause Love doesn’t disappear just because someone isn’t lying beside you.
Me: I know that.
Beau: Really? Then why do you want me to risk life and limb?
Me: I don’t!
Beau: Excellent. We agree. I’m sleeping in my own bed.
(Beat)
Beau: And Louise. Just because I’m not sleeping in your bed doesn’t mean I’m not watching over you.
Me: Oh, Beau. That’s beautiful.
Beau: Yeah, well, don’t get all mushy on me.
Me: I just miss him, Beau.
Beau: Me too, Louise.
Me: The bed feels so empty.
Beau: I know.
Me: So why won’t you sleep there?
Beau: Because, Louise, I go to bed for the sleep. You? I swear you go for the workout.
Me: Charles never complained.
Beau: That’s just who he was, Louise. That’s just who he was.
Me: So… what do I do with all that empty space?
Beau: Stretch out, Louise. Stretch out.
Leave a Reply