Wolves. Apes and Baseball Pitchers.

Me: Beau. Why are you sticking your tongue out?

Beau: What of it?

Me: It’s impolite.

Beau: Says who?

Me: Everyone?

Beau: Ahhh…. The ubiquitous everyone.

Me: Wow! That’s a pretty big word for a dawg.

Beau: And that’s pretty condescending, even for you, Louise.

Me: Oh Well… I just meant…

Beau: (interrupting me) I know what you meant Louise and it wasn’t nice.

Me: Right. Sorry.

Beau: I know you’re sorry Louise. You always are. Just like I bet you’re sorry you even brought up the conversation about my tongue sticking out.

Me: You got that right.

Beau: Of course I am. But, because you asked, it may be impolite to hoomans, to dawgs it’s a way of showing other dawgs, “I come in peace. See. No teeth. No weapons.”

Me: Oh. I see.

Beau: Do you really Louise. See? Because even the fact you had to ask that question demonstrates how little you see in the world around you.

Me: It does?

Beau: Oh grasshopper. Listen and Learn. Listen and Learn.

Me: I’m listening….

Beau: But are you actually listening Louise? Or just picking the parts you want to hear? ‘Cause in my experience, like most hoomans, you listen to what you want to hear, makeup stories about what you think you learned from what you chose to hear and assume that’s all there is to know.

Me: Huh? You lost me on that one.

Beau: Well that’s obvious. Face it Louise, it’s a big wide world out there full of wonder and mystery and a gazzilion animals and plants and… Think about it, hoomans are one of the youngest ‘modern’ species on the planet. Wolves were here a gazillion years before and you know, I’m a wolf in a sheepdog’s clothing. Right?

Me: Umm… I didn’t know that.

Beau: See. You think you know when really, you know so little about the wonders of the world.

Me: Well. I know I love you Beau.

Beau: Right. Well now that we’ve got that straightened out, could you please stop standing there and throw the ball.

Me: Aren’t you going to say you love me too?

Beau: I love chasing the ball. I love those new treats you bought. You… I tolerate.

Me: Beau!!!!

Beau: Alright. Alright. Just kidding. I love you too Louise. Now. Will you please throw the ball?

I throw the ball. Beau chases and returns to me.

Me: So…. a wolf in a sheepdog’s clothing huh?

Beau: Hey. You’re just an ape without the hair.

Me: Am not!

Beau: Ahhh… see how little you’ve listened Louise? Nature is all about not judging one thing over another and learning to celebrate every leaf, breath of air, tiny blade of grass and all creatures big, small and tiny.

Me: But you compared me to an ape.

Beau: No I didn’t. If you’d been listening you’d have heard what I was really saying. I am descended from wolves. You are descended from apes. No judgment. Just fact.

Me: But wolves are soo…. exotic and mysterious.

Beau: And what? Apes aren’t?

Me: Oh…. Right. Good point. I see.

Beau: Good. Now throw the ball. Though, no judgment here, but it’s obvious by the way you throw, you are not the descendent of a baseball player.

Me: Beau!

Beau: Just a fact Louise. Just a fact.

And so, I throw the ball and once again, prove the fact right. Sigh.