The Obstreperous Octopus

Beaumont: Louise, why is Rod showing me your boot?

Me: Just ignore him Beau, He’s being obstreperous.

Beau: Why is he being an octopus?

Me: Obstreperous Beau. Holding it and inviting you to eat it is him being obstreperous.

Beau: So he’s being obstreperous holding an octopus? Looks like a boot to me.

Me: Don’t be difficult Beau.

Beau: How is it I’m the one being difficult when you’re the one saying Rod’s holding an octopus when clearly, he’s holding one of your boots.

Me: (sighing) Can we just move on please Beau?

Beau: When you explain to me why you can’t see it’s a boot and not an octopus.

Me: I didn’t say…. Forget it. You’re right. I apologize. I mistook the boot for an octopus.

Beau: Oh dear. Is that thing my friend Andrew used to call Assenheimers setting in Louise? You know, we can go get you checked out. You’re not getting any younger.

Me: Careful Beau. You’re standing on thin ice.

Beau: Well, actually, I’m standing on the couch.

Me: (sighing. again) Ok. Ok. Can we just go back to the original question please?

Beau: Nope. We can’t. We gotta talk about this Louise. It’s way more important than talking about Rod holding one of your old smelly boots. Heck. We both know he just likes to tease you. But. this calling him an obstreperous octopus when clearly he’s not, that has me very concerned Louse.

Me: I didn’t call him an obstrep… Let’s just let it go. Ok? Clearly, as always, I’m not going to win this one.

Beau: Hmmmm….. That’s even more concerning. Did you think you could win?

Sigh. And so it continues. Beau’s buddy Rod comes to meet him in dawgson and I get the brunt of both of their sick jokes.

Why me?

Beau: Louise. Playing the victim is not your strong suit. Maybe you need to lighten up a little. You know, as my buddy Rod says, HAVE FUN!

Me: Ha! Maybe I need to chop that boot up and put it in your dinner tonight! Haha! Now that would be funny.

Beau: Just to be clear. That would not be funny. In fact, I’d say you’re being the obstreperous one now.

Me: What???? It’s funny when Rod threatens to feed it to you and I’m being obstreperous for turning the tables.

Beau: No. You’re being obstreperous for not just letting this whole conversation go. So it’s time to ask yourself…. Would I rather be right than happy?

Me: (Sigh.) Just once, why can’t I get the last word in?

Beau: ‘Cause then it wouldn’t be called, Sundays with Beaumont. It would be more like, Sundays with Louise being difficult.

Me: You know you’re incorrigible, right?

Beau: Yup. And I like myself. Just the way I am.

Sigh… How does he do that? Always be right and always be happy?

Beau: It’s a gift. Time to move on Louise. I’m done here. Time for my mid-morning nap.

And he closes his eyes and falls asleep leaving me holding the boot!

Beau’s buddy Rod came for dinner last night. Beau was delighted to have a co-conspirator for his hi-jinx. Oh well. Just goes to prove, boys will be dawgs and dawgs will be boys.” Gotta luv’ ’em for their consistency. Sorta….

Beau: (opening one eye) Not to mention their ability to be obstreperous, even when they’re holding a boot you mistake for an octopus.

Sigh! I call Uncle!

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