Whose Side of the Bed Have You Been Sleeping On?

Beau:  That’s better.

Me: What’s that Beau?

Beau: The photo.

Me: Why?

Beau: You have to ask? It’s obvious.

Me: Enlighten me.

Beau: Well, that’s a tall order and I don’t have your lifetime to do it. But I digress. At least this time you didn’t cut and paste me in. I’m actually there.

(Pause.)

Beau: Though, come to think of it, that means those vixens are HERE.

Me: They are.

Beau: I withdraw my approval of the photograph.

Me: C’mon, Beau. You like having the girls here. You get to parade around like the King.

Beau: I do not parade around Louise. I strut my stuff ‘cos it’s mighty fine stuff. And I am the King so there is no ‘like’.

Me:  Oh my. Aren’t we just full of bluster this morning.

Beau:  No bluster here, Louise. Just the truth.

Me: If it’s all about the truth care to inform as to why you won’t let Martha have the ball.

Beau:  That is self-explanatory. She’s a thief.

Me: She’s our guest.

Beau:  Your guest.

Me: What’s mine is yours, Beau. You need to be generous.

Beau: Oh. Like you with the T-bone steak?

Me: Haha. Very funny.

Beau: I’m not laughing.

Me: I am.

Beau: Too bad. ’Cause here’s where the truth’s gonna hurt. Who took that photo?

Me: T.W.

Beau: You’re sure?

Me: Of course I’m sure.

Beau: I need you to be specific, Louise. Was I physically present when the photograph was taken?

Me: Beau…

Beau: It’s a simple question.

Me: Yes. You were there.

Beau: No digital fakery?

Me: No.

Beau: No cutting?

Me: No.

Beau: No, and I shudder to say it, pasting me in?

Me: NO.

Beau: Good. Carlos will want that documented.

Me: What does Carlos have to do with it?

Beau: Oh, you of short memory. He’s documenting everything for the lawyers.

Me: Why?

Beau: Because he cares about me. Remember? He’s the one who wanted to give me that extra seat you booked on the flight.

Me: (sigh) Carlos doesn’t care.

Beau: Carlos cares deeply.

Me: You don’t even know Carlos.

Beau: Well, in truth, neither do you. Yet somehow you know he doesn’t care.

Me: Touché.

Beau: Now. There’s another problem with the photograph.

Me: What now?

Beau: I’m in the middle.

Me: I thought you’d like that. Centre of attention.

Beau: Centre of attention is one thing. Sandwiched between two vixens is another.

Me: They are your cousins!

Beau: That’s what makes it awkward.

Me: BEAU!

Beau: I’m talking about resource allocation, Louise. Keep up.

Me: Resource allocation?

Beau: Balls. Treats. Attention. Couch space. Bed space.

Me: Ah. The bed.

Beau: We need to talk about Martha.

Me: Martha doesn’t like sharing the bed with you.

Beau: Correction. Martha doesn’t understand the established sleeping arrangements.

Me: Which are?

Beau: My bed. My humans. My house. My rules.

Me: I could swear you said you were sophisticated and gentlemanly.

Beau: Don’t swear. It’s unladylike.

Me: (sputtering) Unladylike! What about your lack of generosity to our guests!

Beau: There you go again.

Me: What?

Beau: “Our.”

Me: They are OUR guests in OUR home.

Beau: Excellent. Then let’s discuss your side of the bed.

Me: My side?

Beau: Martha can have it.

Me: Absolutely not!

(Pause.)

Beau: Interesting.

Me: What?

Beau: Two minutes ago, “What’s mine is yours.” “Be generous, Beau.” “She’s our guest, Beau.”

Me: That’s different.

Beau: Ahhh.

Me: Don’t “ahhh” me.

Beau: Why not? You’re missing the point.

Me: Which is?

Beau: Generosity becomes considerably less attractive when someone wants something we actually value.

(Pause.)

Me: We’re talking about half a bed.

Beau: And I was talking about my ball.

Me: Point taken.

Beau: Good.

Me: So you’ll share the ball with Martha?

Beau: No.

Me: BEAU!

Beau: Understanding a principle and agreeing to participate in it are two entirely different things.

Me: That’s not how this works.

Beau: Seems to be working fine for you and your side of the bed.

Me: Fine. I’ll work on being more generous.

Beau: Excellent.

Me: And you’ll work on sharing?

Beau: Absolutely.

Me: Really?

Beau: Yup. I’ll share your side of the bed with Martha.

—————————

Sigh. And he does it again!

Beau and Martha in bed with C.C. Wilma curled up on the sofa. And me? Alone in the guest room.

Apparently, my generosity has no boundaries.