Me: Beaumont. Why are you scowling?
Beau: So you notice? Well that’s a start.
Me: Of course I notice. I notice everything about you.
Beau: Right. So didn’t you notice I wasn’t keen on going to the hairdressers?
Me: Oh. Well. It was for your own good.
Beau: Have you ever noticed how people use that excuse, ‘it’s for your own good’ when really what they mean is, ‘Too bad. So sad. I did it anyway?”
Me: But that’s not what I meant Beau. It really was time for your grooming and anyway, you like going to Atomic Dog Boutique. They treat you nice.
Beau: How is having someone push and pull and scrape and tug and clip and shear and brush and comb ‘nice’?
Me: It gets the mats out?
Beau: Do I look like I’m bothered by mats?
Me: Ummmm…. No?
Beau: Exactly. Which is why I think you need to consult me before making rash decisions like deciding to get me groomed in the middle of winter.
Me: It’s not the middle of winter yet Beau.
Beau: Details. Details. It’s still cold outside.
Me: Yes. but…
Beau: Don’t but me, Louise. Admit that you acted without consideration of my wants and we can move on.
Me: But you want to look good. Right?
Beau: Louise. Louise. Louise. That’s not a ‘want’. It’s a fact. I always look good.
Me: Well aren’t we the conceited one.
Beau: Oh you hoomans. Always confusing conceit with confidence. It’s only conceited if I constantly tell the whole world I look good. And I’m above that kind of petty behaviour.
Me: Right…. I don’t know what to say to that.
Beau: Then just say you’re sorry and we can move on.
Me: I’m curious. What does ‘moving on’ look like to you?
Beau: You apologize. I accept your apology and to make a mends, you give me extra treats and take me for another walk. Now.
Me: And if I don’t. Apologize?
Beau: Do you want me to keep scowling?
Sigh. And so, I apologized to Beau for taking him to the groomers and leaving him there for the morning and he got his extra treats and another walk. (Though just to be clear… they’re really, really nice and treat Beau with TLC at Atomic Dog! And he always comes out looking extra handsome!)
But seriously, in my next life, I want to come back as Beaumont. He always looks good and he always wins!