Me: Beaumont! Are you two-timing me?
Beau: Who me? Nevair!
Me: It’s Never, Beau. Not Nev’air’.
Beau: Right. I’m glad you agree with me. I’d nevair two-time you.
Me: That’s not what I said, Beau. I said…. oh forget it.
Beau: Ok. I will. Now… back to the question at hand. Why was there a stranger’s dawg in my house yesterday?
Me: That wasn’t the question at hand.
Beau: It is now.
Me: I want to know why you’ve posted a photo of you and Tamara on my blog.
Beau: Ummmm…. Louise…. I think you mean my blog. ‘My’, as in Me. Beaumont The Amazing. Magnificent, Magnanimous oh, and did I mention, Majestic whose name is the key attraction on this here blog.
Me: Whatever. You’re deflecting again.
Beau: And you’re avoiding answering my question, Why was there a stranger’s dawg in my house yesterday?
Me: Because it was lost.
Beau: Why couldn’t it just get lost and not be here?
Me: Because that wouldn’t have been very kind Beau. It needed somewhere to be until Animal Services could come and rescue it.
Beau: Hmmmm…… So… let’s see if I’ve got this straight. A dawg gets lost. A friend finds it and calls you to see if she can bring it here ’cause she can’t find the owners, has called Animal Services and she doesn’t want to upset her dawg by bringing a stranger’s dawg into her house to wait for Animal Services to come and rescue it from her house? That about it?
Beau: And that’s all you’re going to say?
Me: What else is there to say?
Beau: Believe me lots… Like… for starters… your friend is more considerate of her dawg than you are of me?
Me: Oh Beau. Don’t be ridiculous. I love you!
Beau: Then why aren’t you more considerate of me and my right to be at peace in my home?
Me: Has nothing to do with being considerate and everything to do with how well you get along with everyone and how I knew you wouldn’t be upset!
Beau: Really, Louise? You bring a stranger dawg into my home, and then… just when I’m thinkin’ I’ve got a new friend you take the stranger dawg and his companions out onto the deck, AND CLOSE THE DOOR! With me on the inside! And you don’t think I should be upset?
Me: Oh. Well…. It was for your well-being I did that Beau. The stranger dawg was a little hyper and it felt better to keep him out there than in here causing you distress.
Beau: And again, I ask… Did you ask me what I wanted?
Me: (sighing) No Beau. I didn’t. I’m sorry.
Beau: Harrumph. And…. you let him play with my toys with that sweet little girl who came over too! Why couldn’t she stay on the inside with me so we could play together?
Me: (sighing again) I don’t know Beau. I wasn’t really thinking.
Beau: Of me. You weren’t thinking of me Louise.
Me: I’m so sorry Beau. You’re right. What can I do to make amends… HEY!!! Wait a minute. You did it again! You still haven’t answered my question! Why did you post a photo of you with another woman!!!!
Beau: Well, I thought that was obvious Louise. She’s a hottie. I’m a hottie and we look HOT! HOT! HOT! together!
Me: Oh. But… not to be vain or anything, but… what about me?
Beau: Oh Louise. Now who’s being ridiculous? This has nothing to do with you. It’s all about my reputation. Like, not to put too fine a point on it, but… putting a photo of me with an ole’, I mean, older…. hmmm I don’t know if there’s any way to say this Louise that you might not find difficult to hear but… you gotta admit, you got as many wrinkles as a Shar Pei while Tamara…. well she’s so hot she makes my toenails curl! Having a photo with her on my blog just ups my ‘he-dawg’ creds to the GQ Dawg level. Know what I mean?
Me: No I don’t Beau. You lost me at the Shar Pei.
Beau: Don’t worry about it, Louise. As my buddy Rod would say, “Getting older looks good on you!… from a distance.” Hahahaha! And anyway, I’ll always love you best… I just might not always love photos with you best. Get my drift?
Not sure I get his drift but I do feel like I’ve drifted into subliminal annihilation here…. and oh my aching vanity! Who needs a mirror when you’ve got a Beau around to say it like it is — or at least as he sees it! 🙂
And – not to be too obvious… but… For those of us who have experienced subliminal annihilation at the hands of western society’s practices, and limiting beliefs around aging, do check out THIRD ACTion Film Festival‘s amazing line-up for this year’s 5th annual festival! June 10 – 12.
Here’s a preview of one of the many short films being presented! (There’s a whole exciting program of feature-length and short films, documentaries and animated stories to watch both in-person here in Calgary and online anywhere in Canada!)
I chose this one… oops, Beau chose this one ’cause the heroine of this doc is 94 and still cookin’! And dancin’! Two of my favourite things! 🙂