The Guildenstern to my Rosencrantz

Beaumont: Louise. It’s time.

Me: Uh. huh.

Beau: Don’t you uh huh me. It’s time to get movin’. The park awaits.

Me: What do you think I’m doing?

Beau: Well, up until now you’ve been baking a cake, making chocolate chip cookies, reorganizing the baking goods drawer and doing dishes.

Me: Uh huh.

Beau: And now, you’re typing.

Me: Yeah. Your blog, btw.

Beau: And you couldn’t do it before you baked the cake and all the other stuff you did this morning before sitting down to type?

Me: I was getting ready.

Beau: Getting ready for what?

Me: This conversation. (smiling sweetly)

Beau: Louise. I’m supposed to be the difficult one. You’re supposed to be the thoughtful, articulate, kind one.

Me: Maybe I want to try on your role for a while. You know, see if it works for me.

Beau: I can tell you right now. It doesn’t.

Me: How do you know? I’ve only just tried a couple of ‘uh huhs’ and a teeeny bit of sarcasm.

Beau: And how’s that working fer ya?

Me: Seems to be fine.

Beau: Trust me. It’s not.

Me: Okay then. What would you prefer?

Beau: I’d prefer you stick to your lane and let me take care of the humour, sarcasm and attitude. I do it much better than you.

Me: Well how am I to learn if I don’t first try?

Beau: HaHa! Don’t pull that one on me Louise. Remember, those rhetorical, seemingly innocent questions with a whole lot of attitude and double entendre are my gig.

Me: But can’t I try some attitude, just once?

Beau: In a word… No.

Me: But I might be really good at it.

Beau: Louise. There is only one star in this here blog and that’s me. You’re the Rosencrantz to my Guildenstern. Or if you prefer, you’re the Minor. I’m the Major. I feed you the lines. Whatever you say makes me look good. That’s the gig.

Me: Well whoever made that gig up wasn’t very funny.

Beau: Louise….

Me: Yes Beau?

Beau: You made up the gig.

Me: Oh.

Beau: Yup. And so… as you’ve so expertly proved, funny is not your gig. Leave it to the experts. Ok?

Me: (Sighing) Yes. Beau.

Beau: Good girl. Now. Can we get to the park please?

Me: As soon as I’m finished typing.

Beau: Louise…

Me: Yes Beau.

Beau: We’re done. Let’s go.

And so it continues. Do you think he’d think it’s funny if I said, “You are the star in this here show and I am just the darkness illuminating your light.”? haha! I don’t think so. But it was kind of funny don’t you think?

Beau: Louise. I read that. Not funny.

LOL. What was I thinking? 🙂

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