Me: Beau. It’s not polite to stick your tongue out.
Beaumont: Louise. It’s not polite to invite a she-cat into my home without first consulting me.
Me: You would have said no, Zoey couldn’t come and stay for the long weekend.
Beau: My point exactly.
Me: Which is why the ‘forgiveness is the best course of action’ plan seemed to make sense.
Beau: It didn’t.
Me: Didn’t what?
Beau: Make sense Louise. Anyway, do not compound your transgressions with sarcasm. It makes you look… well… truth be told… stick out my tongue worthy.
Beau: Uh uh. You don’t get to Beau me. You invited that she-terrorist-hell-cat into my home. Onto my bed. Heck. I even caught her drinking out of my water dish!
Me: She’s not a terrorist Beau. She’s just a little kitty who needed a loving home for the weekend while L and T went camping.
Beau: Why couldn’t they take the she-cat and leave the dawg behind? That would have been fair for everyone.
Me: Everyone being you. Right?
Beau: Hell ya!
Me: Haha. Life doesn’t work that way Beau. What’s good for one must be good for all.
Beau: Right!!!! And having the she-cat here is not good for me which means… it’s good for no one.
Me: Oh. Well… ok… I’ll give you that… but… democracy also plays a role in good for one/good for all…
Beau: Democracy? Sounds more like an autocrock to me.
Me: I think you mean autocracy, Beau.
Beau: Nope. I mean an autocrock full of sheeee…
Me: Beau. Watch your language.
Beau: Geez Louise. I was going to say Sheeee…Cat. What’ wrong with that?
Me: Haha. Very funny Beau. I know what you were thinking and it wasn’t nice.
Beau: Do you know what I’m thinking with my tongue sticking out? ‘Cause if you don’t, I can spell it out for you Louise. You probably won’t like it but then… I don’t like having that Sheee…Cat around either so fairs fair.
Me: I appreciate you’re upset by Zoey’s presence Beau. But you gotta admit. Sticking your nose in her but and trying to put your paw on her back to keep her still is not the nicest thing to do.
Beau: And you think her swatting me with her claws hangin’ out and hissin’ and cussin’ is?
Me: Fair enough, Beau. I acknowledge you’ve got a point. But…
Beau: No buts about it Louise… other than me trying to sniff her butt of course. BTW. You know her butt doesn’t smell all that good. Right? It’s kinda pungent, like an old shoe left in a sewer.
Me: Ugh Beau. Enough with the descriptors.
Beau: Yeah? Well send her home and I’ll stop.
Me: She’s going home later today Beau.
Beau: Good. And do you promise not to invite her back?
Me: I can’t make that promise Beau. Though… you know I don’t actually ‘invite’ her right? You know she comes to visit so she doesn’t have to stay home alone.
Beau: I wouldn’t mind if she left me alone in my home.
Me: Can you try to get along? Please Beau…
Beau: Can you get her to stop hissin’ and clawin’ at me?
Me: Will you stop trying to sniff her butt?
Beau: Only if you promise not to invite her back.
Me: (sighing) Is this going to be one of your circular arguments Beau? They drive me crazy.
Beau: Yeah? Well having that she-cat here drives me crazy Louise. So… want stop the circle game? Stop the cat.
Me: I’ll try my best.
Beau: Ha! Remember! Tryin’ is lyin’. Just Do It!
And so it goes. My daughter’s cat is with us for the weekend. Beau is not impressed.