Holy Leapin’ Stawgs!

Me: Beaumont! Watch out! You’ll getting me all wet!

Beau: Duh! You’re sitting by the river Louise. Right in my way. How can I not?

Me: By being more careful?

Beau: Holy leapin’ stawgs, Louise. I’m a dawg. Careful is for risk-averse hoomans.

Me: What an earth is a stawg, Beau?

Beau: Just look at that photo of me! Don’t I look like a cross between a mighty dawg and a majestic stag?

Me: Um…. No?

Beau: See! You are risk-averse. You have a chance to see beyond what your mind believes and you don’t take it!

Me: I am not risk-averse, Beau.

Beau: Coulda fooled me.

Me: Yeah? Well maybe that’s what you get for getting me all wet and disturbing my meditation.

Beau: This is meditating? Sounds more like complaining to me.

Me: Well I was meditating Beau until you leapt out of the river and shook all over me.

Beau: Hmmmm….. I thought meditation meant you were completely embodied in the present, one with the universe all around you?

Me: In its truest sense, yes it is.

Beau: Then how come my leaping out of the river, splashing water all over you bothers you? Isn’t it part of the embodied present?

Me: Um…. I don’t have an answer for that.

Beau: I didn’t think so. Now… quit meditating and throw the ball into the river. Isn’t that why we’re here?

Me: (sighing) I guess my meditation is over?

Beau: (smiling ever-so-sweetly) Well you could practice being in the moment, allowing each swing of your arm as you throw the ball draw you into the rhythm of the wind blowing through the trees, the grass swaying all around, the river’s flow singing you into presence…. and all that jazz.

Me: All right. All right. If I throw the ball do you promise to stop waxin’ eloquent?

Beau: I ain’t waxin’ nothin’ Louise. I’m just waiting for you to throw the ball so I can practice my stawg jumps. So limber up and get throwin’!

And so, I throw the ball into the river, Beau leaps after it and I resign myself to getting wet all over again.